ANOTHER ONE?

I guess I'll be taking my Nephew to see THIS when it comes out. I can hardly wait.

Halloween and Mischief night: LAWD, THE MEMORIES!

With all the talk about Halloween and Mischief night around the hood and around the blogosphere, a thousand memories of my youth flashed through my mind about the care free years of being a kid around this time. I remember well the Halloween Parties (Most of which where thrown by my Grandmother) and I remember Trick or Treating until my soul was satisfied. There was a house around the way where instead of CANDY, this old Lady would give out MONEY...in Change form, of course, but shit, we ain't care. We ALWAYS made sure to get that house early before ANYBODY. The Lady living there would drop a bag of Change in your Candy bag. I don't know what ever happened to her. Around the time I was 9 or 10, I had outgrown that Trick or Treating stage. We still had the Parties, tho. But going out with Costumes? I was too "grown" for that. That was also a year after was starting to get DANGEROUS to go out because the Older kids was Jackin' us for our Candy. When I was 8, they TRIED it but I'm a fast runner. Thank God for long legs. Plus, I made sure I had costumes that I could run in and not break my face after I broke my face when I was 6 because this neighbor of mind scared the fuck outta me with a mask after I rang her doorbell. *Shuddering at the Memory*

Now, I never understood the purpose of Mischief night, even as a Child. The Act of thrown toilet paper and eggs on folks cars and house seems kinda retarded to me. I mean, as expensive as toilet paper and eggs are, I could be using them to EAT and wipe my ass. Hell, I live in a house with 3 people and we need all that we can GET. Other kids I knew did this mess, though..and they LOVED it. They always liked to get these 2 neighbors on the block that was ALWAYS startin' shit with folks. Hell, it's STILL the hot house every year. The Other one? NOT ANYMORE. But yeah, they would ALWAYS bomb this chicks house and car with eggs and toilet paper. One year, they went as far as to break the window wipers, all her windows, flatten her tires, smear SHIT all over her car and porch, drench the house AND car with PISS and finished it with the usual eggs and toilet paper. Mischief night is FAST approaching and I'm wondering if this house will the one to get got this year...AGAIN. The DAY of Mischief night when I was in middle school, we ALWAYS had to worry about the neighborhood high school coming to our school and egging us kids. Like I said, FAST FUNNER. Plus my Auntie lived down the street from the school, too? A quick run 2 blocks and I was there in 30 seconds.

LAWD, the Memories.

Some folks STILL ain't get the Memo.

OK. It has come to my attention that there are CERTAIN things that folks don't know about black folks. Those of you who've known me for a minute know that I detest stereotypes about black folks with a passion. But this right here just proves that SOME things about us are true. Those things are as follows:

1. Don't fuck with our MONEY

2. Don't fuck with our FAMILY.

3. Don't fuck with our FOOD.

Those are the top 3. You wanna see us get pissed? Fuck with ANY of those things and see what'll happen to you. You'll get cussed out and you might even get KILLED, especially when it comes to our food. Hell, we ain't always had much and food is a prized possession in the homes of black folks. Don't believe me? Take a Gander at THIS.





See what I'm talkin' bout?! I swear, I love the passion my people have...when it's focused on the RIGHT thing.

Get Mad @ THEM, Not THEM!

For once, this blog is gonna be work friendly for those of you viewing this from the computers of your employment offices.

Now, I'm sure by now some of you have heard various stories of folks being cheated on. Hell, some of us have DONE it or had it done to US, excluding myself. Well, there was that ONE time but it wasn't my fault...and it really wasn't. Some of you have heard me tell the story about some female that I had relations with who had a boyfriend that was somebody that I went to school with in middle school. The thing was, she LIED to me and told me she was single because I don't give females the time of day who have boyfriends or husbands, no matter how tempting it is. I really didn't converse with him all that much and when we saw each other, he WOULD tell me about some girl he was dating but there was never a picture shown or anything of the sort. Imagine my surprise when we BOTH found it this heffa had PLAYED us. Long story short, I ended my "association" with her, he broke it off with her, no hard feelings between me and him and that heffa was left out in the cold.

Shit like this happens every day, only it doesn't have MY ending. See, often times, so many people get mad at the OTHER woman or the other man for fuckin' with their spouse or significant other, when more times often than NOT, THEY are the ones being lied to just like the one being CHEATED on is. That always brings up the question in my mind "What you mad at THAT chick/dude for? THEY got played just like YOU did". Sadly, a lot of folks don't see it that way. I'm the type of person that thinks if you gotta go to somebody else, just end the relationship FIRST before you start fuckin' anything that walks. It saves you the guilty conscience, even if you HAVE a conscience, and it saves many of heart breaks, arrests and shed blood. Yeah, SHED BLOOD. Folks will FIGHT you over some dick or some pussy. Me, personally, I don't have time for it. There's always some pussy BETTER and I'm gonna FIND IT.

The only way I can see me even THINKING to fuck somebody up over sleepin' with your spouse or your significant other (the MAIN one) is if the other person KNEW about you and they did it just to be smart. Even THEN, I probably STILL wouldn't mad. Well, I'd be MAD but PROBABLY (and that's a BIG probably) not to the point of beatin' the other dudes ass. But if it was done in MY bed? See, THEN, I gotsta CUT'CHA! You don't DO shit like that to people. The only mans stains I want on MY sheets is MINE. Other than THAT, I say "God bless y'all but FUCK y'all" and my hands is washed. But this is coming from somebody who's single and never dated anybody. I have faith, though, that even if that WASN'T the case, I'd still have the same mindset. Life's to short for the bullshit.

Rambling done.

TAKE CARE OF THAT!

It has come to my attention that some people don't believe in lotion. I don't know if it's religious, allergy or just pure laziness but they don't like to use lotion or SOME kinda of oils to get rid of the ashyness that we as humans so often suffer with. I don't know WHAT the problem is or WHAT the phobia that some folks have of lotion or the other products that rid us of the ashyassitis stems from, but they REALLY need to get over it. An ashy ass or an ashy face is NOT cute and it's NOT attractive. Suppose you go to some ass persons house to get in a "session" and your body ass just jumps out at them all willy nilly? You gonna make em' throw the fuck up and they PROBABLY gonna laugh your ashy self outta their never to show your face again. Don't even get me started on the ashy feet. Folks, Baby Oils, lotions.....hell, even SHEA BUTTER serves a purpose. I suggest you ashy ass folks get it together and take care of that.

Another thing, Those of you who wear enough Vaseline, lotion or whatever else that folks are able to fry some CHICKEN on your smile, Y'all need to take care of that, too. Learn the PROPER amount to apply to yourself and work with that. Y'alls asses look like y'all is plastic and that you'll melt with enough heat applied to you.

And I'm TIIIDE!!!

Potty Mouth Heffas.

Saturday when I began my long weekend of running around, I happened to be on the Subway going to my destination. I never leave the house without my iPod and I make sure it's fully charged when I leave. That morning, I had to do it before I left, which didn't take long. Anyway, I could hear these 2 loud ass ghetto women talking over my music (I REALLY need to invest in some new headphones. The ones I have are SHIT). Don't ask me HOW they got to this conversation about the bathroom but one of them was talking about how easy men have it to go to the bathroom and how she wishes women could stand up and pee like men.

*Record Scratch*

Now, I know such conversations take place amongst women but does it have to be in a public setting like this? There's more to the conversation about this mess but I refuse to relive the horrible moments of it. By the time they got to the more graphic details of what they would do if they could stand up to piss, my iPod froze on me and it seemed like an eternity to unfreeze. So, finally, my iPod is back but I couldn't find a song loud enough to drown them out to save my life and I heard more of this fucktation than I would have LIKED to. If I had my guess, these are the ones who probably complain about not finding a REAL man missing the Memo, if they even GOT it, that you attract what you put out.

I guess they missed the Memo that there are just SOME shit that you should NOT talk about IN PUBLIC. Hell, I've had conversations about some CRAZY shit with my homeboys and homegirls but we have the RESPECT for other folks to have them amongst ourselves between 4 walls, doors or whatever the fuck else. People just talk about any and every damn thing in public and think this shit is CUTE. I swear, I done gave them a few of them *Blank Stare* looks, along with other folks, but they were so into the conversation that they ain't see it. I was just waitin' on God to reach down and smack every dimension of hell outta them and some common sense into their thick skulls. The Power of Ignorance and Ghettoness is a serious sickness within our communities, just like Fucktation, Bitchassness and Hateration. It seems as thought it's getting worse as the days go by.

Give A Punk Bitch A Badge.

This has been on my heart for a minute now. May 2009, I had a situation with me loosing my wallet that had some important information in it and my bank account along with my mothers getting wiped out by some "unknown" person. I had to make a police report about it and lemme tell you, I have never felt so insulted in my LIFE. I won't go into the details because I'll just get pissed off more about it but needless to say, I got treated like some kinda lyin' negro. Oh, and the cop was some beige heffa. I got first hand people don't like to call the cops because the way some of them treat folks is just OFF THE WALL. I understand that their job is hard. Hell, you can't turn on the news nowadays without some story of a cop getting shot in the ass and their lives being taken. I take my hat off to them for doing one of the hardest jobs in the world, other than being a Parent and a teacher in the school system. But DAMN!!

You kinda get the feeling that most of these cops are folks who've been bullied in school and they've never really gotten over it. So, they get a badge and a Lil bit of power and they just go the fuck crazy with it. Some of them are trigger happy and on a power trip. It's really discouraging, to say the least, because these are the people who are supposed to serve and protect us as citizens and it's like some of them do a half ass job because of some bitter feelings about some situation that happened to them. The woman cops are some man hatting mofo's and the men are just punk bitches hiding behind a gun and a taser. Lemme just say that I'm not generalizing all cops because there are some DAMNED good ones but it just seems like they are few and far between. I don't get it and I don't think I WANNA get it..but I can honestly see why so many folks take the law into their own hands. It's not a SMART thing to do but I see why they do it. Less bullshit they gotta deal with from the Boys and Girls in blue.

Rambling done.

Funeral Fucktation

In my 23 years of Living, I've been to many funerals. I've had to sing at most of them and some of them were family members or friends. For the most part, they were the usual funeral. Folks cryin', snottin', fallin' out and actin' a fool. Usually the ones overcome with so much grief were those who were assholes to the deceased person and their guilt got the best of them at the funeral but I digress. I have to say, tho, that in almost every funeral that I've attended, the fucktation was only with the people there and not the funeral itself. That's why when I see such pictures of funerals that have shit like THIS

I automatically get this uneasy feeling and then I get pissed at the ghettofication. I don't understand it. I mean, I know we was born and raised in the hoodest of the hoods in our own little sections but dammit, why we gotta ACT like it, ESPECIALLY at such an occasion as a funeral? There's a time and a place for ghettofication and a funeral ain't one of them. Sometimes, the funeral services that I've HEARD about just take that big giant step over the line of being Ghetto to just being PURE fucktation. sometimes, they're in the middle of and they're just WEIRD. Just like the Puerto Rican dude who requested to be kept upright at his wake a year ago. THAT shit, while I'm sure it's not that rare that it happens, would just give me the heebie Jeebies. And it was in his Mother's home, too? Can you imagine one of those late nights when you go into the kitchen for a late night snack and you see a corpse in the corner chillin' like "What's up, My Nigga?!". I'd be NO more good. I'd probably get used to it but I won't ever know because it won't happen in MY house.

Now, the Fucktation that I bring to you in this video below is beyond anything that I've seen in my life. Now, I'm sure somebody has DONE this before but I've never heard of it happening, unless it was a murder victim in those old Gangsta movies. Observe.

Now, I'm ASSUMING that it was requested by this man to be buried in his car as his last wish and I'm all for respecting the requests of the dead...but can somebody tell me since WHEN do you need to have a car to go to Heaven or Hell? I thought the Death Angel already had some transportation prepared for you when you take your last breath. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right. Either way, I hope that car has PLENTY of mileage on it because it's a long ways. I've already spoken about to my Mother numerous times about her final request and all that and I'm gonna do my DAMNDEST to make sure all her requests are brought to light. She's already made it clear on paper that I shall be handling everything because her Husband would be an absolute mess. I'd have to kill him...but if it's too much damn money, she's gonna cremated..WIZZY Style. Gasoline and some matches out in the back of my house. Hell, I have the final say, right? She's DEAD. What does she know? I mean, I haven't really laid out plans for My transition yet. I don't really HAVE em'. I just ask that whoever is doing it send me off with a PARTY. No all that sad shit. I also hope whoever does it that it's done TASTEFULLY. Don't be burryin' me naked in cowboy boats and in no damn coffin that looks like a condom and shit like that. You know how creative muthafucka's can get. But hey, it's the Ghettoness in em'. Gotta love em'.

Bling for the Kitty Kat.

For as long as I can remember, there has been a long standing tradition to bling your Vagina or you penis. You gave the folks who get them pierced and dye the hairs surrounding them. Me personally, I've never considered doing it (often) but, hey, whatever floats your boat, right? Hell, they even bling out the SEX toys and CONDOMS now. Never thought I'd live to see the day THAT shit would happen. Well, I DID but I just didn't think it'd be so soon. Now, even with all of THAT, they still managed to come up with THIS:

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen. Introducing CLITTER, glitter for your vagina. It's supposed to make it more appealing to the eyes if your vagina looks like it'll detached and swallow a human whole or if it has some type of "defects". Why not fix it with some CLITTER? This should be a best seller if this EVER hits shelves anytime soon.

Shit Outta Luck.

After A GOOD ass box of Pizza, I goes to the bathroom..and when I finished, I see that there's no more damn toilet paper. I don't know WHO used it and nobody will care to admit to being the culprit. There are 3 of us in this house and nobody has the common DECENCY to change the Lil brown thing that's on the toilet paper rack. I mean, It's not exactly rocket Science, right? No toilet paper, find a roll of it (there are PLENTY because we stock them by the 12 pack in this house) and CHANGE it. I guess that's too much to ask, right? *SMDH*.