Dec 18, 2009
Nov 23, 2009
1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won’t be able to eat anything.
2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your a.. down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them damn. pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.
3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little butts to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not gonna tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their ass!
4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a sh.. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.
5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy a.. home next year!
6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding and confrontation!
7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!
8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. This is not a DAYCARE CENTER ! There will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her.. After 24 hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant a..!!
9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your ass home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED THE HELL OUT AT 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.
10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy a.. family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET!
Hope everyone enjoy ThanksGiving… just remember the above rules if you stop by my house. GOD BLESS YA!
Nov 16, 2009
I went to McDonald's some time ago and there was this homeless dude in there askin' for some money to get somethin' to eat. Nobody, including me, gave him anything because he's around there all the time with a different outfit on erryday (better shit than I could EVER wear) and he got a fresh pack of Newport's all the time. Plus, I got a source that says he lives in this homeless shelter. So, he's doing good, compared to other homeless people...at least, that's what I gather. Well, anyway, this elderly woman came in with her Grand-kids (teenagers) and he asked her for some money to get some food. She said "Tell me what you want and I'll get it for you". This fool said "Just give me the money, bitch!!". You already know what happened. Her Grand-kids beat the Holy hell outta him. I woulda helped dude, but I didn't for 2 reasons.
1. He was WAAAY outta line callin' that woman a female dog when she was tryin' to help his ass.
2. My Double Quarter Pounder was tastin' too damn good to stop eatin' it.
I find it funny that people who beg for ANYTHING (whether it be sex, money, food, etc.) can be SO damn choosy when they ask you for shit. Not just homeless (or SUPPOSEDLY homeless) people but people in general. If you ask somebody to do something outta the kindness of their heart, something like THIS anyway, you should be grateful that they would even do somethin' like that and take it how they give it, considering the fact that they don't HAVE to do what you begged them to do but they WANT to. I did make an effort to ask was he alright when I finished eating and was on my way back to work. After he said he was, I said "Maybe next time, you'll take the food and not get yo' ass whooped for being ignant!!".
Nov 6, 2009
Oct 28, 2009
Oct 20, 2009
OK. It has come to my attention that there are CERTAIN things that folks don't know about black folks. Those of you who've known me for a minute know that I detest stereotypes about black folks with a passion. But this right here just proves that SOME things about us are true. Those things are as follows:
1. Don't fuck with our MONEY
2. Don't fuck with our FAMILY.
3. Don't fuck with our FOOD.
Those are the top 3. You wanna see us get pissed? Fuck with ANY of those things and see what'll happen to you. You'll get cussed out and you might even get KILLED, especially when it comes to our food. Hell, we ain't always had much and food is a prized possession in the homes of black folks. Don't believe me? Take a Gander at THIS.
See what I'm talkin' bout?! I swear, I love the passion my people have...when it's focused on the RIGHT thing.
Oct 12, 2009
For once, this blog is gonna be work friendly for those of you viewing this from the computers of your employment offices.
Now, I'm sure by now some of you have heard various stories of folks being cheated on. Hell, some of us have DONE it or had it done to US, excluding myself. Well, there was that ONE time but it wasn't my fault...and it really wasn't. Some of you have heard me tell the story about some female that I had relations with who had a boyfriend that was somebody that I went to school with in middle school. The thing was, she LIED to me and told me she was single because I don't give females the time of day who have boyfriends or husbands, no matter how tempting it is. I really didn't converse with him all that much and when we saw each other, he WOULD tell me about some girl he was dating but there was never a picture shown or anything of the sort. Imagine my surprise when we BOTH found it this heffa had PLAYED us. Long story short, I ended my "association" with her, he broke it off with her, no hard feelings between me and him and that heffa was left out in the cold.
Shit like this happens every day, only it doesn't have MY ending. See, often times, so many people get mad at the OTHER woman or the other man for fuckin' with their spouse or significant other, when more times often than NOT, THEY are the ones being lied to just like the one being CHEATED on is. That always brings up the question in my mind "What you mad at THAT chick/dude for? THEY got played just like YOU did". Sadly, a lot of folks don't see it that way. I'm the type of person that thinks if you gotta go to somebody else, just end the relationship FIRST before you start fuckin' anything that walks. It saves you the guilty conscience, even if you HAVE a conscience, and it saves many of heart breaks, arrests and shed blood. Yeah, SHED BLOOD. Folks will FIGHT you over some dick or some pussy. Me, personally, I don't have time for it. There's always some pussy BETTER and I'm gonna FIND IT.
The only way I can see me even THINKING to fuck somebody up over sleepin' with your spouse or your significant other (the MAIN one) is if the other person KNEW about you and they did it just to be smart. Even THEN, I probably STILL wouldn't mad. Well, I'd be MAD but PROBABLY (and that's a BIG probably) not to the point of beatin' the other dudes ass. But if it was done in MY bed? See, THEN, I gotsta CUT'CHA! You don't DO shit like that to people. The only mans stains I want on MY sheets is MINE. Other than THAT, I say "God bless y'all but FUCK y'all" and my hands is washed. But this is coming from somebody who's single and never dated anybody. I have faith, though, that even if that WASN'T the case, I'd still have the same mindset. Life's to short for the bullshit.
Oct 2, 2009
It has come to my attention that some people don't believe in lotion. I don't know if it's religious, allergy or just pure laziness but they don't like to use lotion or SOME kinda of oils to get rid of the ashyness that we as humans so often suffer with. I don't know WHAT the problem is or WHAT the phobia that some folks have of lotion or the other products that rid us of the ashyassitis stems from, but they REALLY need to get over it. An ashy ass or an ashy face is NOT cute and it's NOT attractive. Suppose you go to some ass persons house to get in a "session" and your body ass just jumps out at them all willy nilly? You gonna make em' throw the fuck up and they PROBABLY gonna laugh your ashy self outta their never to show your face again. Don't even get me started on the ashy feet. Folks, Baby Oils, lotions.....hell, even SHEA BUTTER serves a purpose. I suggest you ashy ass folks get it together and take care of that.
Another thing, Those of you who wear enough Vaseline, lotion or whatever else that folks are able to fry some CHICKEN on your smile, Y'all need to take care of that, too. Learn the PROPER amount to apply to yourself and work with that. Y'alls asses look like y'all is plastic and that you'll melt with enough heat applied to you.
And I'm TIIIDE!!!
Sep 29, 2009
Saturday when I began my long weekend of running around, I happened to be on the Subway going to my destination. I never leave the house without my iPod and I make sure it's fully charged when I leave. That morning, I had to do it before I left, which didn't take long. Anyway, I could hear these 2 loud ass ghetto women talking over my music (I REALLY need to invest in some new headphones. The ones I have are SHIT). Don't ask me HOW they got to this conversation about the bathroom but one of them was talking about how easy men have it to go to the bathroom and how she wishes women could stand up and pee like men.
Now, I know such conversations take place amongst women but does it have to be in a public setting like this? There's more to the conversation about this mess but I refuse to relive the horrible moments of it. By the time they got to the more graphic details of what they would do if they could stand up to piss, my iPod froze on me and it seemed like an eternity to unfreeze. So, finally, my iPod is back but I couldn't find a song loud enough to drown them out to save my life and I heard more of this fucktation than I would have LIKED to. If I had my guess, these are the ones who probably complain about not finding a REAL man missing the Memo, if they even GOT it, that you attract what you put out.
I guess they missed the Memo that there are just SOME shit that you should NOT talk about IN PUBLIC. Hell, I've had conversations about some CRAZY shit with my homeboys and homegirls but we have the RESPECT for other folks to have them amongst ourselves between 4 walls, doors or whatever the fuck else. People just talk about any and every damn thing in public and think this shit is CUTE. I swear, I done gave them a few of them *Blank Stare* looks, along with other folks, but they were so into the conversation that they ain't see it. I was just waitin' on God to reach down and smack every dimension of hell outta them and some common sense into their thick skulls. The Power of Ignorance and Ghettoness is a serious sickness within our communities, just like Fucktation, Bitchassness and Hateration. It seems as thought it's getting worse as the days go by.
Sep 21, 2009
This has been on my heart for a minute now. May 2009, I had a situation with me loosing my wallet that had some important information in it and my bank account along with my mothers getting wiped out by some "unknown" person. I had to make a police report about it and lemme tell you, I have never felt so insulted in my LIFE. I won't go into the details because I'll just get pissed off more about it but needless to say, I got treated like some kinda lyin' negro. Oh, and the cop was some beige heffa. I got first hand people don't like to call the cops because the way some of them treat folks is just OFF THE WALL. I understand that their job is hard. Hell, you can't turn on the news nowadays without some story of a cop getting shot in the ass and their lives being taken. I take my hat off to them for doing one of the hardest jobs in the world, other than being a Parent and a teacher in the school system. But DAMN!!
You kinda get the feeling that most of these cops are folks who've been bullied in school and they've never really gotten over it. So, they get a badge and a Lil bit of power and they just go the fuck crazy with it. Some of them are trigger happy and on a power trip. It's really discouraging, to say the least, because these are the people who are supposed to serve and protect us as citizens and it's like some of them do a half ass job because of some bitter feelings about some situation that happened to them. The woman cops are some man hatting mofo's and the men are just punk bitches hiding behind a gun and a taser. Lemme just say that I'm not generalizing all cops because there are some DAMNED good ones but it just seems like they are few and far between. I don't get it and I don't think I WANNA get it..but I can honestly see why so many folks take the law into their own hands. It's not a SMART thing to do but I see why they do it. Less bullshit they gotta deal with from the Boys and Girls in blue.
Sep 11, 2009
Now, I'm ASSUMING that it was requested by this man to be buried in his car as his last wish and I'm all for respecting the requests of the dead...but can somebody tell me since WHEN do you need to have a car to go to Heaven or Hell? I thought the Death Angel already had some transportation prepared for you when you take your last breath. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right. Either way, I hope that car has PLENTY of mileage on it because it's a long ways. I've already spoken about to my Mother numerous times about her final request and all that and I'm gonna do my DAMNDEST to make sure all her requests are brought to light. She's already made it clear on paper that I shall be handling everything because her Husband would be an absolute mess. I'd have to kill him...but if it's too much damn money, she's gonna cremated..WIZZY Style. Gasoline and some matches out in the back of my house. Hell, I have the final say, right? She's DEAD. What does she know? I mean, I haven't really laid out plans for My transition yet. I don't really HAVE em'. I just ask that whoever is doing it send me off with a PARTY. No all that sad shit. I also hope whoever does it that it's done TASTEFULLY. Don't be burryin' me naked in cowboy boats and in no damn coffin that looks like a condom and shit like that. You know how creative muthafucka's can get. But hey, it's the Ghettoness in em'. Gotta love em'.
Sep 10, 2009
Sep 4, 2009
After A GOOD ass box of Pizza, I goes to the bathroom..and when I finished, I see that there's no more damn toilet paper. I don't know WHO used it and nobody will care to admit to being the culprit. There are 3 of us in this house and nobody has the common DECENCY to change the Lil brown thing that's on the toilet paper rack. I mean, It's not exactly rocket Science, right? No toilet paper, find a roll of it (there are PLENTY because we stock them by the 12 pack in this house) and CHANGE it. I guess that's too much to ask, right? *SMDH*.
Sep 3, 2009
Sep 1, 2009
There seems to be a popular misconception of men that I'd HOPE to put to rest. Hell, there are MANY that both sexes have about each other but, due to time and limited blogging space (and the fact that most of y'alls asses get tired after reading a paragraph and a half), I'll try not to get into all of them. There are so many, I doubt that I will anyway.
I'll just get to the most popular one. See this dude right here?
That's most men when we see a set a titties that we either like or that are just huge in a delicious way. Let's be honest, if you have a dick, chances are, you will be attracted to Titties and ass. So, what's the big deal with a woman getting MAD at a dude who stares at them? I always hear about women complaining about how they'd WISH men would look at her in her FACE and not her titties when they have a conversation. It's a popular misconception that if men only focus on a woman's body in a conversation, that's all we'd want you for if a woman was to give us a chance at letting us in her world. Well...have you ever considered the fact that you might have a dreamboat body and a ship wrecked face? Well, in SOME instances, that's not the case, but in a LOT that is the case. Anyway, I'm just gonna be honest with ya, Ladies. If you have some nice titties and a nice ass, and if I EVER see any of you in the street, I'm gonna look...HARD (But with me, you won't know I'm looking because I'm slick wit it). I'll stare at em' until my fuckin' eye balls fall out. It's no different than a woman talking to a dude with muscles and day dreaming about him being naked. Now, Ladies, I see many of your "Nigga please" faces a mile away. Now, you can't TELL me if this dude walked up to you in the street and started talking to you
you'd listen...much. SEE? SOME OF Y'ALL AIN'T EVEN MAKE IT PAST THOSE PICTURES WITHOUT HAVING TO WIPE OFF YOUR SCREEN!! Some of y'all got that "NOT ME" look on y'alls faces and lemme just say...Y'ALLS LYIN'!!! TELL THE TRUTH AND SHAME THE DEVIL!!
Now, I CAN understand where you're coming from because some dudes just go too damn far. Hell, they'll drool over them shits in mid-conversation and it's not professional and it makes you look LOONY...kinda like SOME of y'all females would do over....HIM, perhaps?
There's a certain slickness you gotta have, as stated before. Hell, I can have a whole conversation with you and look at some titties and you'd NEVER know it. How, you might ask? That's for me to know and you to die trying to figure out. Anyway, just know this. Lust and horniness are embedded into the human DNA and will BE there until we're all extinct. Some just have extra freshness and they can't control it. Some CAN but they just don't WANT to. But why get mad? TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT!! THEY THINK YOU SEXY!! Hell, you don't hear no dudes complainin about females having conversations with our dicks. GET OVER IT!! PUT ON YO' BIG GIRL PANTIES (If you WEAR panties) and SUCK IT UP!
and I'm tide.
Aug 31, 2009
Aug 28, 2009
Aug 26, 2009
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I understand that we are human, although sometimes I wonder about that. We all things that we do as humans that are natural. We all eat, sleep, laugh, cry and hurt. We also all fart. Yes, it's true. I mean, you gotta let it out, right? But what bothers me about the farting thing is that there are some people who believe that their farts don't stink. I had this argument (Yes, ARGUMENT, not debate) with a friend of mine not to long ago. The Niggrum farted and then when somebody said it stank, he said "My Farts don't stink". *Blank Stare*. MUTHAFUCKA, IS YOU SNIFFIN' GLUE?! If it came outta where I think it did, THAT SHIT STANKS!!! And his ass just got finished eating some spicy KFC chinken, too? You KNOW he lit that shit up. Thank GOD we was outside. The Nerve of some folks, I swear to you. And that fool actually got MAD that we suggested that the remnant's of his butt trumpet wasn't pleasing to the noses of those around him.
As I said before, We're all human and we all do things as humans and farting is one of them..but if you actually think for a minute that a fart don't stink, something is seriously sick with you. Then again, some folks get off on that shit (No pun intended). If folks like to watch 2 girls shit in a cup and eat it, like watching folks piss and brush their teeth, they'll love a fart. I don't know how they do it. Shit, my OWN damn farts ain't pleasin' to ME and it comes out MY ass. MANY a times I done woke myself outta a deep sleep. I guess people think they're special. *Shrugging shoulders*. Whatever.
Aug 24, 2009
I think the main reason why I laughed was because of the cheesy dialogue. If you ever really paid attention to the shit they say in porno’s, that shit is so fuckin’ cheesy that it’s funny. I mean, while you getting some ass, do you actually talk as long as they do?! Not me. Just drop your drawls and get to it!! Fuck talkin’!! Another thing, the moans. OH GOD!! The moans they moan are just as exaggerated and stage as all HELL!!!! Maybe it’s just me..but I like a movies with good acting, porno’s included. Maybe if they got some better actors for some of them, I’d appreciate them more. I think I can appreciate a sex scene from a movie with a Hollywood actor than a porn star. Not saying that some porn stars don’t give Oscar winning performances because some of them DAMN sure do, but most of them can’t act for shit. It’s kinda like when you go see a movie and the actor is trying so hard to be serious, but they are failing SO miserably that it’s funny. That’s what I see in porno’s.
Aug 19, 2009
I often see people get uncomfortable when folks talk about forgiveness...and I've seen it happen with the very FEW times that I've blogged about it or made reference to it in some comment sections while on the Internet. I think I figured out why that is. Folks often link forgiveness with being Weak or Stupid.
For example: If somebody did SOMETHING (anything you can think of) that hurt you...DEEPLY, and they apologize to you and ask of your forgiveness, folks think that to forgive means that you just act like nothings happened and you're old friends, lovers or WHATEVER once again, thus giving the other person another chance to to the same thing again.
It's actually quite the contrary. By forgiving someone, you are actually not giving them the power to make you a bitter, angry individual and you no longer hold a grudge against them. Holding grudges kinda makes you a mean ass person and it makes you hard to trust anybody because of what ONE (or possibly a few other) person(s) did to you. So, you'll walk around life thinking everybody is out to get you and it makes folks not wanna be around you and you're gonna die lonely, bitter and unhappy. Nobody wants to die lonely, I don't think. So, by forgiving someone, you're nixing that in the bud.
With that being said, that does NOT mean that you have to socialize with that person or acknowledge the existence again. Sure, you've forgiven them but that don't mean you gotta be a damn FOOL. You're supposed to get smarter with each situation that you go through because, believe it or not, shit happens for a reason....and sometimes shit just HAPPENS. But still, it HAPPENED. Forgive, forget, MOVE ON. It's gonna take a minute but you CAN. The thing is, some folks (Including some of you READING this) don't wanna move on because it's kinda comfortable feeling this feeling of resentment, right? If you wanna be honest, SOME of the things you mad at other folks about, YOU played a part in it. Get mad at me all you want to but SOMEBODY has to say it. Accept YOUR part in it, forgive THEM for theirs, even if you cut all ties with them, and it'll be over. Quite honestly, it's very reliving and refreshing because you no longer feel weighed down. That's why so many folks have nervous break downs.
It's kinda like that old saying "I can forgive but I can forget". You ain't SUPPOSED to forget it. You're just not supposed to keep dwelling on it and using it as an excuse to hate a certain species, sex or act like a Jackass 24/7. That's all.
With THAT being said, I hope you got it all RIGHT now.....and I'm SPENT.
Aug 13, 2009
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the shit that truly makes life worth living. Now, as much as I complain about such shows as Jerry Springer and Maury being nothing but the same shit, I STILL watch those shows religiously...well, whenever I can, because, dammit, I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE to laugh at the stupid ass people on there because they truly deserve it. What I think is the most stupidest thing they say on there when somebody laughs at them is that famous T.I quote YOU DON'T KNOW ME!! Hmmm.....Well, Did you NOT just tell us half your damn business on national T.V? I think we know a lil bit TOO much about you..more stuff than we ever NEEDED to know. But we just LOVE that kinda stuff because IT AIN'T US!! Let's be honest. You laugh @ that shit because you know that it ain't you, THANK GOD, because you'd probably say the same shit if you was to ever appear on T.V. Hopefully, some of y'all is smart enough to not EVER appear on no T.V show and tell all y'all business. Hell, it's bad enough that we do that shit when we blog!!!....but that's another blog in itself.
I really don't feel sorry for the ridicule that people face when they appear on talk shows at all. They knew good and damn well what the outcome could've been but yet, they don't care because they want their 5 minutes of fame. For real, tho, some of those people on those shows just downright LIE and they KNOW it. Case in point, this person right here:
There's plenty more memorable clips of similar shows...but that's the one I decided to choose for demonstration. Saves me a hell of a lot of searching to do. Now, That shit right there is just....Hell, I can't even think of a word for it. Now, I don't know the whole story behind that clip but, if I had to guess what was said it was probably "I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF THAT BABY BY MYSELF", "HE DON'T HELP ME", "SHE A HO", "SHE SLEPT WITH SO MANY DAMN MEN!! ANYBODY COULD BE THE FATHER!!". Hell, y'all get the point. All the usual shit said on Maury. I feel as though these chicks just KNOW in they heart that a certain dude ain't the father of the baby but they feel that if they wish hard enough and if they pray hard enough, God will answers their prayers and not make them look like fools, ESPECIALLY on T.V, and they dude they WANT to be the Daddy (or the dude they brought to the show) is the father. Well, sometimes that shit works, and sometimes it don't. Sometimes God be like "NOPE!! NOT TODAY!! ". What gets me is how these chicken heads be so SURE that the dude is the Daddy and then when it ain't, they wanna throw tantrums and shit. YOU SHOULDA THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE THE DICK THREW UP IN THE PUSSY HOLE!! Now, that kids gonna be embarrassed when they grow up because the whole world know they Mama is a Ho. It's a damn shame, really. One guy even asked Maury could he frame the results after he found out he wasn't the Daddy. LMAOO!!
Let's not forget the chicks like this:
That shit HAS to be embarrassing to be on that show more than 5 times (in THAT chicks case, 11 times) and don't know who the baby daddy is. Now, THEM chicks like that just give women a bad name in general. I just got some words of wisdom for you: If you MUST get a paternity test more than once for several men...Hell, even if you gotta get it ONCE, don't ever...EVER...EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVEEER!!!!!....do that shit on T.V. Ok? I'm finished.
Aug 12, 2009
Aug 11, 2009
So, earlier today, I was walking to the store. I had my "around the way" clothes on and my hair wasn't brushed. I've been SERIOUSLY considering going bald because the shit is less expensive. I don't have the patience to learn how to cut my own hair and I don't wanna fuck no shit up. So, I'll just leave it to the professionals...but shaving my own head? I can do that. Anyway, I was walking home from the store and went through the alley way to get to my house. Well, there are really 2 ways to get there but the alley way is just shorter and you're less likely to run into fucktards you don't wanna see back there, unless they're the potheads, which I'm cool with because most of us grew up together. So, I'm going home and there's this old ass man and his lady friend (who looked like DEATH because she's been suckin' on the glass dick) who was walking in my direction. I saw the way they were looking at me, so I put my hand on my razor in my pocket in case some shit popped off. So, They get close to me and the woman said "YO, I AIN'T FROM AROUND HERE AND I WAS WONDERING WHERE I COULD GET SOME WEED AT!". I just said that "Naw, I don't know nobody. Sorry". That's a damn lie because half the folks I know around here smoke weed and some even SELL the shit...but I ain't gonna tell THEM that. They were highly pissed about that because they were feignin' for some but they just said "It's cool, Good lookin' out".
Now, this isn't the first time this shit has happened to me. One time it happened to me when I was just coming home from church, Bible in hand and all. I was walking to the bus stop and again, somebody said those EXACT words. I told my Mom about that and she was like "Stupid asses, how they know you wasn't a cop? Why got to an unfamiliar part of the city without your own weed anyway?". Now, today, I told my stepfather what happened when he came home and he said "Hell, the way you was dressed, they probably thought you was a damn dope boy". My Hair and the wiskers on my face probably ain't help, either. Lawd, Today. These folks in Philly, man.
Aug 6, 2009
I've had this revelation since I was a kid, but it seems as though parents are SCARED to talk to their Children about sex, so they just make up crazy shit as to why they shouldn't do it. Don't know what I'm talking about? Here's some examples:
1. If you have sex (before marriage..although, some will say if you do it ANYTIME), your dick or coochie (or both, if you have one) is gonna fall off.
2. Oral sex gives you cancer
3. Kissing will get you pregnant.
And last but not least: I was told by my Homie (named not to be revaled for Privacy reason) said that her mother told her brother that pussy had teeth in it and it would chew his dick off if he had sex.
Now, that bullshit up there and MANY other bullshit myths are SUPPOSED to SCARE children into not having sex but, in SOME cases, it makes them the biggest hoes on the PLANET because they wanna see if this shit was true. Hell, you know kids wanna learn shit the hard way. Then, there are the parents who thing "If I don't say shit about sex, s/he won't know about and s/he won't do it". Now, THAT one is bullshit to the highest level of bullshitity. Hell, I knew about sex at age 9 and I was schooled by my "Big Brothers"...and shortly after that, my Mama. They told me EVERYTHING (Mama's information was more accurate, though). So, you only imagine the age that kids now find out about this. Hell, you'll find a 5 year old who knows more about Doggy Style, Cunnilingus, analingus, and Fellatio than some 60 year olds. So, it's best to just CUT the bullshit and tell em' the gotdamn TRUTH.
I'm not suggesting you tell a 2 year old "You stick your ding-ding in the na-na and hump but remember to put on a mini-magnum". Do it in a way they'll understand but don't it TRUTHFULLY. With all these damn walking STD's out here, we ain't got time to be bullshittin'.
Aug 5, 2009
Aug 1, 2009
Jul 31, 2009
Jul 29, 2009
By: Jackie Jones, BlackAmericaWeb.com