Dec 18, 2009

New Years Resolutions.

Yeah. Your eyes isn't playing tricks on you, my most devoted readers. It's a blog from me. A REAL one. I know, I've been MIA for a LONG ass time. It's not that I didn't really WANNA blog. I just lost my passion for it or when I tried so HARD to, nothing came out. So, here I am. Enough with the damn announcement because I'm sure most of you don't care.

I've never really been a fan of New Years Resolutions. Oh, Hell. Lemme be totally honest: I FUCKIN' HATE THEM! I remember as a Child, my Grandmother would always ask me every year what mine would be. She'd say "God gave up something for US in His only Son, so you have to give up something for Him, too". I used to say something easy like "I'll try to make good grades this year" or something of that nature. In the back of my mind, I was like "THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT!". I never SAID that for the fear of getting knocked to high Heaven but you can pretty much tell that by the look on my face. I think they're stupid. They're just promises most people make to themselves that they probably won't keep anyway. So, I don't even waste my time with them. I tried it for the hell of it last year but I was like "NAW!! NEVER AGAIN".

Now, lemme say that I don't knock those who make them for themselves. Hell, some probably even KEEP them and to that, I applaud them, I salute them and say more power to them. But for me? I don't make them for myself because I'm of the mindset that I can choose any damn day of the year to change something, with God's help of Course. I don't have to wait until January 1st to do it. Any day is good for me. It's not like I don't have some goals for the new year but I'm not exactly PROMISING myself that I'll do this or that for the new year. I'm of the mindset that I'll work towards it WHENEVER and if it's God's will that it HAPPENS, then so be it. If It DON'T, that's cool, too. So, to those of you who do it, GOD BLESS YOU AND I WISH YOU WELL! I hope you succeed, But I think I'll chill on that.

Nov 23, 2009

Thanksgiving Etiquette. (Some folks need it).


1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won’t be able to eat anything.

2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your a.. down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them damn. pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.

3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little butts to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not gonna tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their ass!

4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a sh.. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.

5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy a.. home next year!

6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding and confrontation!

7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!

8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. This is not a DAYCARE CENTER ! There will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her.. After 24 hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant a..!!

9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your ass home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED THE HELL OUT AT 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.

10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy a.. family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET!

Hope everyone enjoy ThanksGiving… just remember the above rules if you stop by my house. GOD BLESS YA!

Nov 16, 2009

Beggars Can't be Choosy.

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I went to McDonald's some time ago and there was this homeless dude in there askin' for some money to get somethin' to eat. Nobody, including me, gave him anything because he's around there all the time with a different outfit on erryday (better shit than I could EVER wear) and he got a fresh pack of Newport's all the time. Plus, I got a source that says he lives in this homeless shelter. So, he's doing good, compared to other homeless least, that's what I gather. Well, anyway, this elderly woman came in with her Grand-kids (teenagers) and he asked her for some money to get some food. She said "Tell me what you want and I'll get it for you". This fool said "Just give me the money, bitch!!". You already know what happened. Her Grand-kids beat the Holy hell outta him. I woulda helped dude, but I didn't for 2 reasons.

1. He was WAAAY outta line callin' that woman a female dog when she was tryin' to help his ass.

2. My Double Quarter Pounder was tastin' too damn good to stop eatin' it.

I find it funny that people who beg for ANYTHING (whether it be sex, money, food, etc.) can be SO damn choosy when they ask you for shit. Not just homeless (or SUPPOSEDLY homeless) people but people in general. If you ask somebody to do something outta the kindness of their heart, something like THIS anyway, you should be grateful that they would even do somethin' like that and take it how they give it, considering the fact that they don't HAVE to do what you begged them to do but they WANT to. I did make an effort to ask was he alright when I finished eating and was on my way back to work. After he said he was, I said "Maybe next time, you'll take the food and not get yo' ass whooped for being ignant!!".

Nov 6, 2009


I guess I'll be taking my Nephew to see THIS when it comes out. I can hardly wait.

Oct 28, 2009

Halloween and Mischief night: LAWD, THE MEMORIES!

With all the talk about Halloween and Mischief night around the hood and around the blogosphere, a thousand memories of my youth flashed through my mind about the care free years of being a kid around this time. I remember well the Halloween Parties (Most of which where thrown by my Grandmother) and I remember Trick or Treating until my soul was satisfied. There was a house around the way where instead of CANDY, this old Lady would give out Change form, of course, but shit, we ain't care. We ALWAYS made sure to get that house early before ANYBODY. The Lady living there would drop a bag of Change in your Candy bag. I don't know what ever happened to her. Around the time I was 9 or 10, I had outgrown that Trick or Treating stage. We still had the Parties, tho. But going out with Costumes? I was too "grown" for that. That was also a year after was starting to get DANGEROUS to go out because the Older kids was Jackin' us for our Candy. When I was 8, they TRIED it but I'm a fast runner. Thank God for long legs. Plus, I made sure I had costumes that I could run in and not break my face after I broke my face when I was 6 because this neighbor of mind scared the fuck outta me with a mask after I rang her doorbell. *Shuddering at the Memory*

Now, I never understood the purpose of Mischief night, even as a Child. The Act of thrown toilet paper and eggs on folks cars and house seems kinda retarded to me. I mean, as expensive as toilet paper and eggs are, I could be using them to EAT and wipe my ass. Hell, I live in a house with 3 people and we need all that we can GET. Other kids I knew did this mess, though..and they LOVED it. They always liked to get these 2 neighbors on the block that was ALWAYS startin' shit with folks. Hell, it's STILL the hot house every year. The Other one? NOT ANYMORE. But yeah, they would ALWAYS bomb this chicks house and car with eggs and toilet paper. One year, they went as far as to break the window wipers, all her windows, flatten her tires, smear SHIT all over her car and porch, drench the house AND car with PISS and finished it with the usual eggs and toilet paper. Mischief night is FAST approaching and I'm wondering if this house will the one to get got this year...AGAIN. The DAY of Mischief night when I was in middle school, we ALWAYS had to worry about the neighborhood high school coming to our school and egging us kids. Like I said, FAST FUNNER. Plus my Auntie lived down the street from the school, too? A quick run 2 blocks and I was there in 30 seconds.

LAWD, the Memories.

Oct 20, 2009

Some folks STILL ain't get the Memo.

OK. It has come to my attention that there are CERTAIN things that folks don't know about black folks. Those of you who've known me for a minute know that I detest stereotypes about black folks with a passion. But this right here just proves that SOME things about us are true. Those things are as follows:

1. Don't fuck with our MONEY

2. Don't fuck with our FAMILY.

3. Don't fuck with our FOOD.

Those are the top 3. You wanna see us get pissed? Fuck with ANY of those things and see what'll happen to you. You'll get cussed out and you might even get KILLED, especially when it comes to our food. Hell, we ain't always had much and food is a prized possession in the homes of black folks. Don't believe me? Take a Gander at THIS.

See what I'm talkin' bout?! I swear, I love the passion my people have...when it's focused on the RIGHT thing.

Oct 12, 2009

Get Mad @ THEM, Not THEM!

For once, this blog is gonna be work friendly for those of you viewing this from the computers of your employment offices.

Now, I'm sure by now some of you have heard various stories of folks being cheated on. Hell, some of us have DONE it or had it done to US, excluding myself. Well, there was that ONE time but it wasn't my fault...and it really wasn't. Some of you have heard me tell the story about some female that I had relations with who had a boyfriend that was somebody that I went to school with in middle school. The thing was, she LIED to me and told me she was single because I don't give females the time of day who have boyfriends or husbands, no matter how tempting it is. I really didn't converse with him all that much and when we saw each other, he WOULD tell me about some girl he was dating but there was never a picture shown or anything of the sort. Imagine my surprise when we BOTH found it this heffa had PLAYED us. Long story short, I ended my "association" with her, he broke it off with her, no hard feelings between me and him and that heffa was left out in the cold.

Shit like this happens every day, only it doesn't have MY ending. See, often times, so many people get mad at the OTHER woman or the other man for fuckin' with their spouse or significant other, when more times often than NOT, THEY are the ones being lied to just like the one being CHEATED on is. That always brings up the question in my mind "What you mad at THAT chick/dude for? THEY got played just like YOU did". Sadly, a lot of folks don't see it that way. I'm the type of person that thinks if you gotta go to somebody else, just end the relationship FIRST before you start fuckin' anything that walks. It saves you the guilty conscience, even if you HAVE a conscience, and it saves many of heart breaks, arrests and shed blood. Yeah, SHED BLOOD. Folks will FIGHT you over some dick or some pussy. Me, personally, I don't have time for it. There's always some pussy BETTER and I'm gonna FIND IT.

The only way I can see me even THINKING to fuck somebody up over sleepin' with your spouse or your significant other (the MAIN one) is if the other person KNEW about you and they did it just to be smart. Even THEN, I probably STILL wouldn't mad. Well, I'd be MAD but PROBABLY (and that's a BIG probably) not to the point of beatin' the other dudes ass. But if it was done in MY bed? See, THEN, I gotsta CUT'CHA! You don't DO shit like that to people. The only mans stains I want on MY sheets is MINE. Other than THAT, I say "God bless y'all but FUCK y'all" and my hands is washed. But this is coming from somebody who's single and never dated anybody. I have faith, though, that even if that WASN'T the case, I'd still have the same mindset. Life's to short for the bullshit.

Rambling done.

Oct 2, 2009


It has come to my attention that some people don't believe in lotion. I don't know if it's religious, allergy or just pure laziness but they don't like to use lotion or SOME kinda of oils to get rid of the ashyness that we as humans so often suffer with. I don't know WHAT the problem is or WHAT the phobia that some folks have of lotion or the other products that rid us of the ashyassitis stems from, but they REALLY need to get over it. An ashy ass or an ashy face is NOT cute and it's NOT attractive. Suppose you go to some ass persons house to get in a "session" and your body ass just jumps out at them all willy nilly? You gonna make em' throw the fuck up and they PROBABLY gonna laugh your ashy self outta their never to show your face again. Don't even get me started on the ashy feet. Folks, Baby Oils, lotions.....hell, even SHEA BUTTER serves a purpose. I suggest you ashy ass folks get it together and take care of that.

Another thing, Those of you who wear enough Vaseline, lotion or whatever else that folks are able to fry some CHICKEN on your smile, Y'all need to take care of that, too. Learn the PROPER amount to apply to yourself and work with that. Y'alls asses look like y'all is plastic and that you'll melt with enough heat applied to you.

And I'm TIIIDE!!!

Sep 29, 2009

Potty Mouth Heffas.

Saturday when I began my long weekend of running around, I happened to be on the Subway going to my destination. I never leave the house without my iPod and I make sure it's fully charged when I leave. That morning, I had to do it before I left, which didn't take long. Anyway, I could hear these 2 loud ass ghetto women talking over my music (I REALLY need to invest in some new headphones. The ones I have are SHIT). Don't ask me HOW they got to this conversation about the bathroom but one of them was talking about how easy men have it to go to the bathroom and how she wishes women could stand up and pee like men.

*Record Scratch*

Now, I know such conversations take place amongst women but does it have to be in a public setting like this? There's more to the conversation about this mess but I refuse to relive the horrible moments of it. By the time they got to the more graphic details of what they would do if they could stand up to piss, my iPod froze on me and it seemed like an eternity to unfreeze. So, finally, my iPod is back but I couldn't find a song loud enough to drown them out to save my life and I heard more of this fucktation than I would have LIKED to. If I had my guess, these are the ones who probably complain about not finding a REAL man missing the Memo, if they even GOT it, that you attract what you put out.

I guess they missed the Memo that there are just SOME shit that you should NOT talk about IN PUBLIC. Hell, I've had conversations about some CRAZY shit with my homeboys and homegirls but we have the RESPECT for other folks to have them amongst ourselves between 4 walls, doors or whatever the fuck else. People just talk about any and every damn thing in public and think this shit is CUTE. I swear, I done gave them a few of them *Blank Stare* looks, along with other folks, but they were so into the conversation that they ain't see it. I was just waitin' on God to reach down and smack every dimension of hell outta them and some common sense into their thick skulls. The Power of Ignorance and Ghettoness is a serious sickness within our communities, just like Fucktation, Bitchassness and Hateration. It seems as thought it's getting worse as the days go by.

Sep 21, 2009

Give A Punk Bitch A Badge.

This has been on my heart for a minute now. May 2009, I had a situation with me loosing my wallet that had some important information in it and my bank account along with my mothers getting wiped out by some "unknown" person. I had to make a police report about it and lemme tell you, I have never felt so insulted in my LIFE. I won't go into the details because I'll just get pissed off more about it but needless to say, I got treated like some kinda lyin' negro. Oh, and the cop was some beige heffa. I got first hand people don't like to call the cops because the way some of them treat folks is just OFF THE WALL. I understand that their job is hard. Hell, you can't turn on the news nowadays without some story of a cop getting shot in the ass and their lives being taken. I take my hat off to them for doing one of the hardest jobs in the world, other than being a Parent and a teacher in the school system. But DAMN!!

You kinda get the feeling that most of these cops are folks who've been bullied in school and they've never really gotten over it. So, they get a badge and a Lil bit of power and they just go the fuck crazy with it. Some of them are trigger happy and on a power trip. It's really discouraging, to say the least, because these are the people who are supposed to serve and protect us as citizens and it's like some of them do a half ass job because of some bitter feelings about some situation that happened to them. The woman cops are some man hatting mofo's and the men are just punk bitches hiding behind a gun and a taser. Lemme just say that I'm not generalizing all cops because there are some DAMNED good ones but it just seems like they are few and far between. I don't get it and I don't think I WANNA get it..but I can honestly see why so many folks take the law into their own hands. It's not a SMART thing to do but I see why they do it. Less bullshit they gotta deal with from the Boys and Girls in blue.

Rambling done.

Sep 11, 2009

Funeral Fucktation

In my 23 years of Living, I've been to many funerals. I've had to sing at most of them and some of them were family members or friends. For the most part, they were the usual funeral. Folks cryin', snottin', fallin' out and actin' a fool. Usually the ones overcome with so much grief were those who were assholes to the deceased person and their guilt got the best of them at the funeral but I digress. I have to say, tho, that in almost every funeral that I've attended, the fucktation was only with the people there and not the funeral itself. That's why when I see such pictures of funerals that have shit like THIS

I automatically get this uneasy feeling and then I get pissed at the ghettofication. I don't understand it. I mean, I know we was born and raised in the hoodest of the hoods in our own little sections but dammit, why we gotta ACT like it, ESPECIALLY at such an occasion as a funeral? There's a time and a place for ghettofication and a funeral ain't one of them. Sometimes, the funeral services that I've HEARD about just take that big giant step over the line of being Ghetto to just being PURE fucktation. sometimes, they're in the middle of and they're just WEIRD. Just like the Puerto Rican dude who requested to be kept upright at his wake a year ago. THAT shit, while I'm sure it's not that rare that it happens, would just give me the heebie Jeebies. And it was in his Mother's home, too? Can you imagine one of those late nights when you go into the kitchen for a late night snack and you see a corpse in the corner chillin' like "What's up, My Nigga?!". I'd be NO more good. I'd probably get used to it but I won't ever know because it won't happen in MY house.

Now, the Fucktation that I bring to you in this video below is beyond anything that I've seen in my life. Now, I'm sure somebody has DONE this before but I've never heard of it happening, unless it was a murder victim in those old Gangsta movies. Observe.

Now, I'm ASSUMING that it was requested by this man to be buried in his car as his last wish and I'm all for respecting the requests of the dead...but can somebody tell me since WHEN do you need to have a car to go to Heaven or Hell? I thought the Death Angel already had some transportation prepared for you when you take your last breath. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right. Either way, I hope that car has PLENTY of mileage on it because it's a long ways. I've already spoken about to my Mother numerous times about her final request and all that and I'm gonna do my DAMNDEST to make sure all her requests are brought to light. She's already made it clear on paper that I shall be handling everything because her Husband would be an absolute mess. I'd have to kill him...but if it's too much damn money, she's gonna cremated..WIZZY Style. Gasoline and some matches out in the back of my house. Hell, I have the final say, right? She's DEAD. What does she know? I mean, I haven't really laid out plans for My transition yet. I don't really HAVE em'. I just ask that whoever is doing it send me off with a PARTY. No all that sad shit. I also hope whoever does it that it's done TASTEFULLY. Don't be burryin' me naked in cowboy boats and in no damn coffin that looks like a condom and shit like that. You know how creative muthafucka's can get. But hey, it's the Ghettoness in em'. Gotta love em'.

Sep 10, 2009

Bling for the Kitty Kat.

For as long as I can remember, there has been a long standing tradition to bling your Vagina or you penis. You gave the folks who get them pierced and dye the hairs surrounding them. Me personally, I've never considered doing it (often) but, hey, whatever floats your boat, right? Hell, they even bling out the SEX toys and CONDOMS now. Never thought I'd live to see the day THAT shit would happen. Well, I DID but I just didn't think it'd be so soon. Now, even with all of THAT, they still managed to come up with THIS:

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen. Introducing CLITTER, glitter for your vagina. It's supposed to make it more appealing to the eyes if your vagina looks like it'll detached and swallow a human whole or if it has some type of "defects". Why not fix it with some CLITTER? This should be a best seller if this EVER hits shelves anytime soon.

Sep 4, 2009

Shit Outta Luck.

After A GOOD ass box of Pizza, I goes to the bathroom..and when I finished, I see that there's no more damn toilet paper. I don't know WHO used it and nobody will care to admit to being the culprit. There are 3 of us in this house and nobody has the common DECENCY to change the Lil brown thing that's on the toilet paper rack. I mean, It's not exactly rocket Science, right? No toilet paper, find a roll of it (there are PLENTY because we stock them by the 12 pack in this house) and CHANGE it. I guess that's too much to ask, right? *SMDH*.

Sep 3, 2009

A Different World indeed.

Good Day, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Internet.

It seems as though I see some of the most craziest things when I walk the streets of Philadelphia. But I'm sure that the craziest things don't happen just in Philly. It happens everywhere. All you have to do is read the news for that. Today, though, I just had to share my craziness that I saw with all of you.

As I was waiting for the bus, iPod in hand and in ears, I was just watching the passers by and waiting for the bus to arrive. The Bus arrives, I pay my fair, take my seat. A couple stops after me, This guy gets on the bus with his sunglasses on. I just happened to look over, he pulls out his cell phone and he flips up his glasses to see the number. The only thing was, he didn't flip the SET over his head. That's right, Ladies and Gentlemen. He was wearing a pair of THESE.

Now, the last time I've seen a pair of those was on an episode of "A Different World". I remember the years when I owned a pair of those in my younger years. I lost them at the circus but you couldn't TELL me I wasn't stylin'. Come to think of it, I think that's WHY folks used to call me Dwayne Wayne shit we share the first name. *SMDH*. But I NEVER thought I'd see a pair of these in the year 2009. I guess old styles really IS comin' back.

Sep 1, 2009

You Sexy as Fuck. GET OVER IT!

There seems to be a popular misconception of men that I'd HOPE to put to rest. Hell, there are MANY that both sexes have about each other but, due to time and limited blogging space (and the fact that most of y'alls asses get tired after reading a paragraph and a half), I'll try not to get into all of them. There are so many, I doubt that I will anyway.

I'll just get to the most popular one. See this dude right here?

big ass titties Pictures, Images and Photos

That's most men when we see a set a titties that we either like or that are just huge in a delicious way. Let's be honest, if you have a dick, chances are, you will be attracted to Titties and ass. So, what's the big deal with a woman getting MAD at a dude who stares at them? I always hear about women complaining about how they'd WISH men would look at her in her FACE and not her titties when they have a conversation. It's a popular misconception that if men only focus on a woman's body in a conversation, that's all we'd want you for if a woman was to give us a chance at letting us in her world. Well...have you ever considered the fact that you might have a dreamboat body and a ship wrecked face? Well, in SOME instances, that's not the case, but in a LOT that is the case. Anyway, I'm just gonna be honest with ya, Ladies. If you have some nice titties and a nice ass, and if I EVER see any of you in the street, I'm gonna look...HARD (But with me, you won't know I'm looking because I'm slick wit it). I'll stare at em' until my fuckin' eye balls fall out. It's no different than a woman talking to a dude with muscles and day dreaming about him being naked. Now, Ladies, I see many of your "Nigga please" faces a mile away. Now, you can't TELL me if this dude walked up to you in the street and started talking to you


you'd listen...much. SEE? SOME OF Y'ALL AIN'T EVEN MAKE IT PAST THOSE PICTURES WITHOUT HAVING TO WIPE OFF YOUR SCREEN!! Some of y'all got that "NOT ME" look on y'alls faces and lemme just say...Y'ALLS LYIN'!!! TELL THE TRUTH AND SHAME THE DEVIL!!

Now, I CAN understand where you're coming from because some dudes just go too damn far. Hell, they'll drool over them shits in mid-conversation and it's not professional and it makes you look LOONY...kinda like SOME of y'all females would do over....HIM, perhaps?

LL COOL J Pictures, Images and Photos

There's a certain slickness you gotta have, as stated before. Hell, I can have a whole conversation with you and look at some titties and you'd NEVER know it. How, you might ask? That's for me to know and you to die trying to figure out. Anyway, just know this. Lust and horniness are embedded into the human DNA and will BE there until we're all extinct. Some just have extra freshness and they can't control it. Some CAN but they just don't WANT to. But why get mad? TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT!! THEY THINK YOU SEXY!! Hell, you don't hear no dudes complainin about females having conversations with our dicks. GET OVER IT!! PUT ON YO' BIG GIRL PANTIES (If you WEAR panties) and SUCK IT UP!

and I'm tide.

chick with huge breasts Pictures, Images and Photos

Aug 28, 2009

Skinty Ass Niggum Confessions

One of the biggest misconceptions about skinny people is that we don’t eat. I can’t tell you how many times in my life that I’ve gotten asked by muthufuckas did I starve myself, was I anorexic, or did I eat. Hell, I’ve recently got asked was I “Cracking up”. I’m gonna disclose some of those rumors now, being ass those some of y’all stupid asses actually believe that shit, too. Every skinny person does NOT starve themselves, you stupid basitd!! I would actually like to know where that shit came from. While not eating may CONTRIBUTE to our lack of blubber, it’s not the SOLE purpose. Ironically, the people who would asked me those ignorant questions actually were 2 hamburgers away from obesity themselves. That’s when I coined my famous comeback “No, I don’t eat because you eat enough for both of us, you fat fuck!!”. Just like fat people got a bad rap for eating TOO much, we got one for not eating enough. I’ll admit as soon as I take my shirt off, you can damn near see every bone and vein in my body. Doctors never had a problem finding veins with my ass because them shits would just pop up outta know where, even now. But my skinniness is not dude to lack off food. Believe me, I eat my fair share. I actually get hated on by fat people, most of them my closest friends. It seems for some reason, they have a problem with the fact that I can eat all they can eat and MORE without gaining a pound while they gain 20 pounds just by chewing gum. IT’S CALLED HIGH METABOLISM, BITCH!!!…or, in my case, as the case with many others, being blessed. For the longest time, I was insecure about my weight and I’d try to eat as much as I could to gain like 100 pounds, but then one day, I got into an argument with this fat dude, he pissed me off, and I hit him (which was a shocker because I hardly EVER threw the first blow in a fight). I started running and, I’ll admit, his fat ass was gaining on me, but then I dogged his ass through some cars. He never caught me because his fat ass had to catch his breath. That was the day I started celebrating my skinniness….and I’ve been doing it ever since. Just like fat people celebrate they “Baby Fat” (When really, it’s just fat, baby), I celebrate my lack of it, and there are plenty of people right along with me who do the same shit. Besides, I make up for the lack of fatness in my waist in another area. Some other bullshit I‘ve heard fat girls (Excuse me, BBW‘s) say is that they’ll never date or fuck a skinny man for the fear of them breaking us in half. Trust me, Skinny dudes can do some shit that a dude with fat or muscle CAN‘T do. I won‘t say what because that‘s another blog, but trust me, we‘ll leave you satisfied. I will be glad when we as a people get over this bullshit about having to be a certain belt size to be attractive. I say this to big people, too, you don’t HAVE to be my size to be good looking. You can look better than I do the size you are.

And I'm Spent.

Aug 26, 2009

Stank Ass

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I understand that we are human, although sometimes I wonder about that. We all things that we do as humans that are natural. We all eat, sleep, laugh, cry and hurt. We also all fart. Yes, it's true. I mean, you gotta let it out, right? But what bothers me about the farting thing is that there are some people who believe that their farts don't stink. I had this argument (Yes, ARGUMENT, not debate) with a friend of mine not to long ago. The Niggrum farted and then when somebody said it stank, he said "My Farts don't stink". *Blank Stare*. MUTHAFUCKA, IS YOU SNIFFIN' GLUE?! If it came outta where I think it did, THAT SHIT STANKS!!! And his ass just got finished eating some spicy KFC chinken, too? You KNOW he lit that shit up. Thank GOD we was outside. The Nerve of some folks, I swear to you. And that fool actually got MAD that we suggested that the remnant's of his butt trumpet wasn't pleasing to the noses of those around him.

As I said before, We're all human and we all do things as humans and farting is one of them..but if you actually think for a minute that a fart don't stink, something is seriously sick with you. Then again, some folks get off on that shit (No pun intended). If folks like to watch 2 girls shit in a cup and eat it, like watching folks piss and brush their teeth, they'll love a fart. I don't know how they do it. Shit, my OWN damn farts ain't pleasin' to ME and it comes out MY ass. MANY a times I done woke myself outta a deep sleep. I guess people think they're special. *Shrugging shoulders*. Whatever.

Aug 24, 2009

Do I get Horny of LAUGH?

I never was a big porno fan. I’ve preferred the real thing over watching people on a tape having sex. Although, I’ll say they helped me a lot. I’ve watched many in my day..but I’ve never owned it. You know, there’s always one person who’s older than you who has a whole collection of em’. If ever I got the urge to watch one, which wasn’t often, I’d just hit him up and ask to borrow one of his tapes….then, when DVD’s became popular, I’d ask to get his DVD’s. Being as though he’d seen me as a lil brother, he was always willing to let me borrow them because I knew how to took care of shit. That was when I was like 12 or 13, though. Fast forward to age 18. Those same porno’s that once gave me an erection made me laugh, I lie to you not. Don’t ask me how or when this started. One day, I was over his house with a few other dudes watchin’ one of those tapes and while those fools is getting’ all excited, I’m crackin’ the fuck up. I mean, I was laughin’ like I was watchin rush hour or some shit. They just looked at me like “What the fuck is your problem?!”. I already had a big ass grin on my face trying to silence myself, but I just couldn’t do it any longer.

I think the main reason why I laughed was because of the cheesy dialogue. If you ever really paid attention to the shit they say in porno’s, that shit is so fuckin’ cheesy that it’s funny. I mean, while you getting some ass, do you actually talk as long as they do?! Not me. Just drop your drawls and get to it!! Fuck talkin’!! Another thing, the moans. OH GOD!! The moans they moan are just as exaggerated and stage as all HELL!!!! Maybe it’s just me..but I like a movies with good acting, porno’s included. Maybe if they got some better actors for some of them, I’d appreciate them more. I think I can appreciate a sex scene from a movie with a Hollywood actor than a porn star. Not saying that some porn stars don’t give Oscar winning performances because some of them DAMN sure do, but most of them can’t act for shit. It’s kinda like when you go see a movie and the actor is trying so hard to be serious, but they are failing SO miserably that it’s funny. That’s what I see in porno’s.

I’m done.

PORN ITS CHEAPER THAN DATING Pictures, Images and Photos

Aug 19, 2009

I said FORGIVE...not be STUPID!

I often see people get uncomfortable when folks talk about forgiveness...and I've seen it happen with the very FEW times that I've blogged about it or made reference to it in some comment sections while on the Internet. I think I figured out why that is. Folks often link forgiveness with being Weak or Stupid.

For example: If somebody did SOMETHING (anything you can think of) that hurt you...DEEPLY, and they apologize to you and ask of your forgiveness, folks think that to forgive means that you just act like nothings happened and you're old friends, lovers or WHATEVER once again, thus giving the other person another chance to to the same thing again.

It's actually quite the contrary. By forgiving someone, you are actually not giving them the power to make you a bitter, angry individual and you no longer hold a grudge against them. Holding grudges kinda makes you a mean ass person and it makes you hard to trust anybody because of what ONE (or possibly a few other) person(s) did to you. So, you'll walk around life thinking everybody is out to get you and it makes folks not wanna be around you and you're gonna die lonely, bitter and unhappy. Nobody wants to die lonely, I don't think. So, by forgiving someone, you're nixing that in the bud.

With that being said, that does NOT mean that you have to socialize with that person or acknowledge the existence again. Sure, you've forgiven them but that don't mean you gotta be a damn FOOL. You're supposed to get smarter with each situation that you go through because, believe it or not, shit happens for a reason....and sometimes shit just HAPPENS. But still, it HAPPENED. Forgive, forget, MOVE ON. It's gonna take a minute but you CAN. The thing is, some folks (Including some of you READING this) don't wanna move on because it's kinda comfortable feeling this feeling of resentment, right? If you wanna be honest, SOME of the things you mad at other folks about, YOU played a part in it. Get mad at me all you want to but SOMEBODY has to say it. Accept YOUR part in it, forgive THEM for theirs, even if you cut all ties with them, and it'll be over. Quite honestly, it's very reliving and refreshing because you no longer feel weighed down. That's why so many folks have nervous break downs.

It's kinda like that old saying "I can forgive but I can forget". You ain't SUPPOSED to forget it. You're just not supposed to keep dwelling on it and using it as an excuse to hate a certain species, sex or act like a Jackass 24/7. That's all.

With THAT being said, I hope you got it all RIGHT now.....and I'm SPENT.

Aug 13, 2009

Random Thoughts: You are NOT the Father.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the shit that truly makes life worth living. Now, as much as I complain about such shows as Jerry Springer and Maury being nothing but the same shit, I STILL watch those shows religiously...well, whenever I can, because, dammit, I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE to laugh at the stupid ass people on there because they truly deserve it. What I think is the most stupidest thing they say on there when somebody laughs at them is that famous T.I quote YOU DON'T KNOW ME!! Hmmm.....Well, Did you NOT just tell us half your damn business on national T.V? I think we know a lil bit TOO much about you..more stuff than we ever NEEDED to know. But we just LOVE that kinda stuff because IT AIN'T US!! Let's be honest. You laugh @ that shit because you know that it ain't you, THANK GOD, because you'd probably say the same shit if you was to ever appear on T.V. Hopefully, some of y'all is smart enough to not EVER appear on no T.V show and tell all y'all business. Hell, it's bad enough that we do that shit when we blog!!!....but that's another blog in itself.

I really don't feel sorry for the ridicule that people face when they appear on talk shows at all. They knew good and damn well what the outcome could've been but yet, they don't care because they want their 5 minutes of fame. For real, tho, some of those people on those shows just downright LIE and they KNOW it. Case in point, this person right here:

There's plenty more memorable clips of similar shows...but that's the one I decided to choose for demonstration. Saves me a hell of a lot of searching to do. Now, That shit right there is just....Hell, I can't even think of a word for it. Now, I don't know the whole story behind that clip but, if I had to guess what was said it was probably "I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF THAT BABY BY MYSELF", "HE DON'T HELP ME", "SHE A HO", "SHE SLEPT WITH SO MANY DAMN MEN!! ANYBODY COULD BE THE FATHER!!". Hell, y'all get the point. All the usual shit said on Maury. I feel as though these chicks just KNOW in they heart that a certain dude ain't the father of the baby but they feel that if they wish hard enough and if they pray hard enough, God will answers their prayers and not make them look like fools, ESPECIALLY on T.V, and they dude they WANT to be the Daddy (or the dude they brought to the show) is the father. Well, sometimes that shit works, and sometimes it don't. Sometimes God be like "NOPE!! NOT TODAY!! ". What gets me is how these chicken heads be so SURE that the dude is the Daddy and then when it ain't, they wanna throw tantrums and shit. YOU SHOULDA THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE THE DICK THREW UP IN THE PUSSY HOLE!! Now, that kids gonna be embarrassed when they grow up because the whole world know they Mama is a Ho. It's a damn shame, really. One guy even asked Maury could he frame the results after he found out he wasn't the Daddy. LMAOO!!

Let's not forget the chicks like this:

That shit HAS to be embarrassing to be on that show more than 5 times (in THAT chicks case, 11 times) and don't know who the baby daddy is. Now, THEM chicks like that just give women a bad name in general. I just got some words of wisdom for you: If you MUST get a paternity test more than once for several men...Hell, even if you gotta get it ONCE, don't ever...EVER...EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVEEER!!!!! that shit on T.V. Ok? I'm finished.

Aug 12, 2009


So, with the recent change in the temperature, it seems as though many of us have been victim to the recent heat wave that's been going around. After all, it IS the Summer time, right? This summer HAS been kinda crazy between the rain and the heat. I think this is the most I've seen it rain in the summer time in my 22 years. Anyway, it seems as though Mother Nature is going through some hot flashes or something because it's CRAZY. Getting ready for church on Sunday, my Stepfather said "DAMN!! It's too hot to even wear CLOTHES" to which I responded "I'm sure folks wouldn't if they could".

So, I started thinking, what if we COULD really walk around naked all the time? I mean, I'm sure some of us do it in our houses but what if we could do it outside? I'm sure it would have it's advantages..MAINLY less money spent on clothes. This Disadvantages would the winter cold..and the fact that SOME people should not be walking around naked in public for the fact they might STONE somebody with their nakedness..not in a good way.

So, what do y'all think about the idea of being naked 24/ 7?

Aug 11, 2009

Random Thoughts: WHERE IT IZ?!

So, earlier today, I was walking to the store. I had my "around the way" clothes on and my hair wasn't brushed. I've been SERIOUSLY considering going bald because the shit is less expensive. I don't have the patience to learn how to cut my own hair and I don't wanna fuck no shit up. So, I'll just leave it to the professionals...but shaving my own head? I can do that. Anyway, I was walking home from the store and went through the alley way to get to my house. Well, there are really 2 ways to get there but the alley way is just shorter and you're less likely to run into fucktards you don't wanna see back there, unless they're the potheads, which I'm cool with because most of us grew up together. So, I'm going home and there's this old ass man and his lady friend (who looked like DEATH because she's been suckin' on the glass dick) who was walking in my direction. I saw the way they were looking at me, so I put my hand on my razor in my pocket in case some shit popped off. So, They get close to me and the woman said "YO, I AIN'T FROM AROUND HERE AND I WAS WONDERING WHERE I COULD GET SOME WEED AT!". I just said that "Naw, I don't know nobody. Sorry". That's a damn lie because half the folks I know around here smoke weed and some even SELL the shit...but I ain't gonna tell THEM that. They were highly pissed about that because they were feignin' for some but they just said "It's cool, Good lookin' out".

Now, this isn't the first time this shit has happened to me. One time it happened to me when I was just coming home from church, Bible in hand and all. I was walking to the bus stop and again, somebody said those EXACT words. I told my Mom about that and she was like "Stupid asses, how they know you wasn't a cop? Why got to an unfamiliar part of the city without your own weed anyway?". Now, today, I told my stepfather what happened when he came home and he said "Hell, the way you was dressed, they probably thought you was a damn dope boy". My Hair and the wiskers on my face probably ain't help, either. Lawd, Today. These folks in Philly, man.

Aug 6, 2009

Let's Cut the Bullshit, Ok?

*Steps on Soap Box*

So, I was sitting here thinking about something.

I've had this revelation since I was a kid, but it seems as though parents are SCARED to talk to their Children about sex, so they just make up crazy shit as to why they shouldn't do it. Don't know what I'm talking about? Here's some examples:

1. If you have sex (before marriage..although, some will say if you do it ANYTIME), your dick or coochie (or both, if you have one) is gonna fall off.

2. Oral sex gives you cancer

3. Kissing will get you pregnant.

And last but not least: I was told by my Homie (named not to be revaled for Privacy reason) said that her mother told her brother that pussy had teeth in it and it would chew his dick off if he had sex.

Now, that bullshit up there and MANY other bullshit myths are SUPPOSED to SCARE children into not having sex but, in SOME cases, it makes them the biggest hoes on the PLANET because they wanna see if this shit was true. Hell, you know kids wanna learn shit the hard way. Then, there are the parents who thing "If I don't say shit about sex, s/he won't know about and s/he won't do it". Now, THAT one is bullshit to the highest level of bullshitity. Hell, I knew about sex at age 9 and I was schooled by my "Big Brothers"...and shortly after that, my Mama. They told me EVERYTHING (Mama's information was more accurate, though). So, you only imagine the age that kids now find out about this. Hell, you'll find a 5 year old who knows more about Doggy Style, Cunnilingus, analingus, and Fellatio than some 60 year olds. So, it's best to just CUT the bullshit and tell em' the gotdamn TRUTH.

I'm not suggesting you tell a 2 year old "You stick your ding-ding in the na-na and hump but remember to put on a mini-magnum". Do it in a way they'll understand but don't it TRUTHFULLY. With all these damn walking STD's out here, we ain't got time to be bullshittin'.

*Steps Off Soap Box*

Aug 5, 2009

Tickled Pink? NEVA DAT!

Saturday ,as Me and my Mother were washing clothes in the Laundromat (Our Washing Machine is broke again. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!), we were going through the usual process of the folding up and all that. Somebody in the Laundromat was impressed with the colors of clothing that I have. Don’t ask why but she just was. I have various colors of Shirts, pants, drawls (when I decided to wear them), socks and all that. I have to because I’m dark-skinned and I need to have some light to me so folks can see my black ass, especially when it’s dark out. So, The lady who was impressed with the colors said “Do you wear pink?” and I was about to answer her but my Mother beat me to it and said “Oh, NOOO!! He HATES pink”. The lady was somewhat shocked and said “You’d look nice in it”. I thanked her and went on to say that Pink is not a color that I’d wear…EVER. She then asked me why and I just said “It’s just not my color. Nothing against it but I don’t like to wear it”.

I’ve been that way since I was a kid. I’ve NEVER liked the color pink. I see guys wear it and I think it looks nice on them and I know I’d probably could pull it off. It’s has nothing to do with the “Pink is for girls” mindset that many guys have. I really can’t give you an answer as to WHY I don’t like to wear the color. I just DON’T. I remember when I was getting ready for my prom and I got my Prom date at the last minute (2 weeks before the prom, to be exact). I was gonna go by myself and so was the girl I was going with and I just made a joke saying “Well, we should just go together since we goin’ by ourselves” and she was like “Yeah, that’d be HOT”. The next day, I found out she WASN’T joking and she asked me what colors I wanted to wear. I said “Any Color but pink”. You think this heffa listened? Her Mama called My Mama and told her everything the both of us was planning to wear and low and behold, the heffa got a pink dress and wanted me to get some pink to match her. I was gonna wear White and she said “Maybe if he can get a pink tie to match or a pink shirt” and my Mother said “No, Baby. My Child don’t do pink”. She found on on the prom night that I shall NOT be moved..but we still looked nice nonetheless.

So, what about y’all? Is there any color that you wouldn’t be caught DEAD in?

Rambling: Muffin Tops and Nut Huggers.

I blogged about this before on my previous site but I just feel moved to blog about it again.

Now, I’m the kind of person who has a VERY open mind and I can pretty much make sense of anything. Even though I might not agree with it, I try to understand it. But the one thing I cannot fathom is this phenomenon of Nut Hugger Jeans. You know what I’m talking about. You see those dudes on T.V and on the street with jeans so tight that they look like they’re 2 steps away from catching a yeast infection in their balls and in their asshole. I don’t understand it and I don’t think I ever will. I get uncomfortable just LOOKING at that shit. I’m just like “HOW THE HELL CAN YOU WALK?”. Shit, how the hell can they BREATHE? I mean, it’s insane to the highest level of insanity. When did this shit become popular for dudes to wear jeans that they look like they got outta their lil sisters closet? Maybe this has ALWAYS been popular but I never noticed it? Anyway, it’s a mess and it’s an epidemic that’s going around like the Saggin’ jeans. Speaking of sagging jeans, why do some dudes wear the tight jeans but they sag? WHATS THE POINT? *Shrugging shoulders*. I don’t know. Oh, and to some of you who may NOT know what I'm talking about, here's a visual.

Another thing that pisses me off to high hell would be the pregnant women who wear their jeans so tight that it looks like it’s cutting off the brain circulation of the babies brain that’s in their stomach. I get a damn headache just looking at it and I pray that the child comes out with a well mind because that looks like it HURTS. I know plenty of women who do that and I’m like “YOU CAN’T DO THAT!!”. Not only is it dangerous to the unborn child (Correct me if I’m wrong if it’s NOT) but as we know, with pregnancy comes the extra poundage in most cases. So, why would you wanna round with the extra pounds hangin’ outside of your jeans lookin’ like a Muffin top? I don’t know. For those visual folks, here's what I mean.

Don’t mind me. Just rambling today. Anything y’all gotta say?

Aug 1, 2009


So, I just came back in the house from running around and while I was out, I saw the Girl I lost my virginity to. I was in the Dollar store and I felt somebody tap me on my shoulder and I turn around and it was HER. I swear to you, I damn near FAINTED. This was a girl who lived around me and she used to come around the block a lot. She has a kid now and she moved down south some years ago. She was up here for a family reunion. She still looks the same and she's still ACTS the same. Has the same pretty smile and has that candid sense of humor that made me love her. I seriously think she coulda been Girlfriend number one but circumstances stopped that. There were many relations after her but she set the bar and while the ones after her came CLOSE, they never were better. All I could here after she left was this song in my head.

What can I say? She had that effect on me and that song was NOTHING farther from the truth. While she wasn't my first CRUSH, she WAS, in a way, the best Girlfriend I NEVER had.

Jul 31, 2009

Don't get your feelings hurt.

I bring you greetings on this fine morning, my most faithful Peasants.

Last week during my off day, I went to my Mothers Job after I had finished doing my running around. She was about to get off work in the next hour, so I figured I'd go to her job and wait for her to get off in her office. Most of the Co-workers know me and her boss is the coolest. So, my Presence their doesn't bother them. Anyway, before I got to her desk, I went to this food truck to get me something to eat and I got my FAVORITE: Chicken Finger platter with BBQ sauce and it was all laced with Ketchup. They give you PLENTY of fries with it, too, so the food NEVER wears off by dinner time. You eat one of those, you most likely won't eat dinner that night because they fill you UP. So, I'm in the office while my Mother does her job runs (I called her to let her know I was there because she wasn't at her desk when I got there) and I'm in there on the computer net surfing and just messin' around. So, one of her nosy ass co-workers smells my food and comes running in there. We exchange greetings and all that and then she looks at my food with a disgusted face saying "EEEWWW!! I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU AND YOUR MOTHER EAT THAT STUFF!! IT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU".

*Record Scratch*

I swear to you, it took all I could not to call that woman a bitch...but I took a deep breath silently and said "Well, this food might not be good for me but you turning up your face at a black persons food will get you cussed out" and I said it with the most pleasant smile and so eloquently that she didn't know that I was telling her off. She just laughed and left. Now, this isn't the first time in my life that something like this has happened where somebody wanted to tell me how BAD something I was eating was for me. I got the thing of "if you don't wanna EAT it, DON'T...but don't fuck it up for ME!!". It just so happened that most of the time, these folks with vegetarians. I even got the speech one time about "Do you know what animal your eating?" to which I replied "Yes, I do and it taste GOOD, dammit".

Look, I have a pretty open mind and I'm very tolerable of other folks lifestyles, even though I may not agree with it or I may not do it myself. I've been that way since I was a child. I have the mindset of "do you and I'll do me"....but I LOATHE folks who try to do the Guilt thing with me. I mean, what's up with that shit? I mean, I appreciate you lookin' out and I'll even listen to it..but GOTDAMN!! Just know when, where and HOW to do and say certain shit.....ESPECIALLY about somebodies damn food. You don't fuck with folks food, family or MONEY. That shit'll get you CUT.

Jul 29, 2009

In Other news (That you probably won't see on T.V).........

Black Youth Invents Surgical Technique - at 14

By: Jackie Jones,

Tony Hansberry II isn’t waiting to finish medical school to contribute to improved medical care. He has already developed a stitching technique that can be used to reduce surgical complications, as well as the chance of error among less experienced surgeons. "I've always had a passion for medicine," he said in a recent interview. "The project I did was, basically, the comparison of novel laparoscopic instruments in doing a hysterectomy repair.” By the way, Hansberry is a 14-year-old high school freshman. In April, the brilliant teen presented his findings at a medical conference at the University of Florida before an audience of doctors and board-certified surgeons. Hansberry attends Darnell-Cookman, a special medical magnet school that allows him to take advanced classes in medicine. Students at the school master suturing in eighth grade. "I just want to help people and be respected, knowing that I can save lives," said Hansberry, the son of a registered nurse and an African Methodist Episcopal church pastor. His goal is to become a neurosurgeon. The idea for his procedure developed last summer during an internship at the University of Florida's Center for Simulation Education and Safety Research at Shands Hospital in Jacksonville. Hansberry responded to a challenge to improve a procedure called the endo stitch, used in hysterectomies that could not be clamped down properly to close the tube where the patient’s uterus had been. The teen devised a vertical way to apply the endo stitch and, using a medical dummy, completed the stitching in a third of the time of traditional surgery. “It took me a day or two to come up with the concept,” Hansberry said. He was supervised by Dr. Brent Siebel, a urogynecologist, and Bruce Nappi, administrative director of the Center for Simulation Education and Safety Research. Hansberry’s discovery won second place in its regional science fair in February 2009 in the medical category. Education experts say youngsters as young as 10 can experience great achievement at an early age if their thirst for knowledge is encouraged and they are given opportunities to shadow professionals and get internships. Also, a rigorous study schedule that also builds in some recreation is key. High school internships and other programs are being used by educators to boost the number of young people interested in medicine in the face of projections that there will be a doctor deficit of as many as 200,000 physicians by 2020. "It's not hard if you have a passion for it," Hansberry said. Angela TenBroeck, the medical lead teacher, said in many ways, Hansberry is a typical student, but, she told the Florida Times Union that he is way ahead of his classmates when it comes to surgical skills. "I would put him up against a first-year med student," she said. "He's an outstanding young man. And I'm proud to have him representing us."

Jul 25, 2009

Lil Fuckers.

As much as I love my house and the memories that I've had in it from the time I was brought home from the hospital, I sometimes wish that we didn't live here. Aside from a certain house of neighbors and all manner of blue eyed fuckery that they've given to the block with their presence, behind our house there are train tracks. With train tracks comes a lot of nastiness. The main thing this nastiness attracts are these little visitors below.

Lately, they've been getting a lil bold around these parts. I mean, there can be a house full of people here and them lil bastards can just pop out and be like "SURPRISE, MUTHAFUCKAS!!". God forbid somebody is here and they're scared shitless of them. Now, While I don't like them, I'm not afraid of them. I've had many run ins with them in my growing up, as I'm sure most of us have. I had one last night while I was sleeping with one in my trash can and when I turned on the light, the little fucker winked at me and then ran off. There was another night where I was sitting typing on my computer in the winter time and felt one run up my leg. Those are only 2 of the many experiences I've had with them but you get the point. I have to say, I don't know WHY people are so scared of them, even though I understand it. I just have to remember that more times often than not, they're more afraid of me than I could ever be of them. I'm a giant compared to them and all I gotta do is squash the lil fucker with my foot. Cats are outta the question because I live with my Mother and she's allergic to them...not to mention terrified to high hell of them. So, we'll just stick to the sticky ass traps. Which reminds me, the next time I go out, I have to stock up on em'. So, if you see millions of people from PETA protesting in front of a Lil house in Philly because a tall skinny black man has be accused of Animal Cruelty for feeding a mouse to one of the many stray cats round here, don't be surprised.

Jul 24, 2009

The Highest Level of Pissivity.

If you've been reading my blogs regularly, you know how I feel about bathrooms that ain't the one I have in my house. I HATE them. Even down my families house, I won't go to their bathrooms unless I'm desperate to high hell no matter HOW bad I have to go. I've been that way since I was a kid. So, today, at work, I was desperate to high hell after Lunch. I tried not to eat so much but hell, breakfast wore off from this morning. Not to mention all the snacks I had during the course of the day. Keep in mind, I've been to this bathroom before and it was TERRIBLE. I've vowed never to go back in there EVER but today, I saw the janitors go in there and clean it. I went RIGHT in after him and I'm like "Maybe it won't be so bad". WRONG. I open the door and it was like a million years of piss and shit that have been saturated on the toilets, the walls and EVERYTHING hit me in the face. I damn near fainted and went to glory first class. I told the janitor "Whatever y'all usin' to clean these bathrooms ain't workin'." He then said "Tell that to the cheap ass administration". Needless to say, I held it till I got home 5 hours later and damn near broke the door down getting in. All My Mother could do was shake my head at the sight of her 6'2 140lb child running into the house and up to the bathroom with his book bag on his back. It's a shame I can't find a clean bathroom anywhere in this city but my house...and a few friends and family members. I don't know why I expected such anyway.

Jul 23, 2009

I see why I'm childless.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm tempted. I'm Tempted to high hell to grab some of these kids, take of my belt and beat the FUCK outta them to high hell until they don't know left from right, up from down, and that they are tasting their brains in their taste buds. I'm not just talking about LIL kids, either. I'm talking about Preteens, Teenagers...hell, even some GROWN ass kids. I'm sick of the disrespectful lil bastards who just don't have no fear for NOBODY because they Mama or Daddy (if they even know who the fuck that niggum or pilgrim is) ain't put it in em'. I see it all the damn time. They come out their mouth with the most disrespectful shit and do the most off the wall shit that I wouldn't DARE try in my lifetime. CURSE THE MUTHAFUCKAS WHO COINED THAT "CALL THE COPS IF YO' PARENTS WHOOP YOU" LAW! They fucked it up for ALL of these future generations. Now, Granted, some kids don't need it. I was one of them...but MOST of these fuckers need to get their brains beat in just ONE damn time by their parents or Guardians. Hell, if THEY don't do it, the fuckin' COPS will. I swear, I just wanna go up to em' and just do this:

Ok. I feel better now that I got that off my Chest.

*Switching to Happy Mode*.

How y'all doin'?