Jul 8, 2009

My Ass ain't touchin' THAT.

Today's subject is something that many people have blogged about numerous times. That subject is using a bathroom that isn't yours, whether it be a public bathroom or the bathroom of a close acquaintance.
As a little boy, I was always a careful person. Now, don't get me wrong, I've done my share of things that WEREN'T so careful but for the most part, I usually thought about the outcome of certain things I did. I used to analyze EVERYTHING. Come to think of it, I still do. Hell, My Daddy used to be a cop and my Mama is just nosy as hell. I think I inherited those things when it comes to analyzing. I can pretty much analyze the SHIT outta anything that I want. Bathrooms are no different. I've always been uncomfortable usin a bathroom that wasn't mine, even if it was over a family members house. There's just something about using a toilet that ain't mine that make me unsatisfied, no matter how clean it LOOKS. First off, I have to consider the people using it, ya dig? So public bathrooms were almost out for me. You don't know WHO'S ass sat on it. For all you know, you might sit on it and catch somebodies hemorrhoids or something. I'm just sayin'. This is why I often have to wonder how folks can use a bathroom that ain't theirs comfortably. I will almost always NEVER use a bathroom that ain't mine..but sometimes, desperate times call for desperate measures. Just not to long ago, my good Childhood friend came over to put the finishing touches on his resume. He came in with a bag from KFC and apparently, it must been good to him. This is the same dude who used to spend all day, every day down my house. Hell, he was like one of us. He ate all the food and practically lived at my house. He just slept at the house with his Mama and 2 sisters...and sometimes, he wouldn't even do THAT. Well, anyway, he got finished eating and went to the bathroom downstairs in the basement in order to not wake up my Mother. So, I'm lookin' over the shit he typed just to make sure he spelled some things correctly and then I hear the toilet flush. THEN, I hear air freshener. *Blank Stare* then, I hear the toilet fill up and then I hear him flush it again. *LONGER blank Stare*. Then he came upstairs like everything was all good. I just looked at him like "Niggum, NO you didn't just shit in my bathroom". He saw the expression on my face and said "What? I at least I washed my hands". This isn't the first time he's done this to SOMEBODY. He does it all the time at peoples houses. Now, I know when you gotta go, you gotta go..but DAMN! Don't even get me started on the family members that come here. *SMDH*

Now, the toilet in my basement is one of those lil CUTE small toilets. Now, I'm tall and skinny and can hardly fit one ass cheek on the thing. So, can you imagine some of the more *Ahem* plumpish people sitting on that thing? Just to give you an idea of what I'm talking about when I say CUTE toilet, this is it.

Y'all get the picture now? Anyway, to all of you who can shit and piss all Willy nilly on any toilet, I take my hat of to you। I don't know how you DO ITbut GOD BLESS YA! If I can help it, the only toilet that I'm using is MINE...and MINE ALONE. Now, if I ate something that goes through me, all bets are off.