Aug 28, 2009

Skinty Ass Niggum Confessions




One of the biggest misconceptions about skinny people is that we don’t eat. I can’t tell you how many times in my life that I’ve gotten asked by muthufuckas did I starve myself, was I anorexic, or did I eat. Hell, I’ve recently got asked was I “Cracking up”. I’m gonna disclose some of those rumors now, being ass those some of y’all stupid asses actually believe that shit, too. Every skinny person does NOT starve themselves, you stupid basitd!! I would actually like to know where that shit came from. While not eating may CONTRIBUTE to our lack of blubber, it’s not the SOLE purpose. Ironically, the people who would asked me those ignorant questions actually were 2 hamburgers away from obesity themselves. That’s when I coined my famous comeback “No, I don’t eat because you eat enough for both of us, you fat fuck!!”. Just like fat people got a bad rap for eating TOO much, we got one for not eating enough. I’ll admit as soon as I take my shirt off, you can damn near see every bone and vein in my body. Doctors never had a problem finding veins with my ass because them shits would just pop up outta know where, even now. But my skinniness is not dude to lack off food. Believe me, I eat my fair share. I actually get hated on by fat people, most of them my closest friends. It seems for some reason, they have a problem with the fact that I can eat all they can eat and MORE without gaining a pound while they gain 20 pounds just by chewing gum. IT’S CALLED HIGH METABOLISM, BITCH!!!…or, in my case, as the case with many others, being blessed. For the longest time, I was insecure about my weight and I’d try to eat as much as I could to gain like 100 pounds, but then one day, I got into an argument with this fat dude, he pissed me off, and I hit him (which was a shocker because I hardly EVER threw the first blow in a fight). I started running and, I’ll admit, his fat ass was gaining on me, but then I dogged his ass through some cars. He never caught me because his fat ass had to catch his breath. That was the day I started celebrating my skinniness….and I’ve been doing it ever since. Just like fat people celebrate they “Baby Fat” (When really, it’s just fat, baby), I celebrate my lack of it, and there are plenty of people right along with me who do the same shit. Besides, I make up for the lack of fatness in my waist in another area. Some other bullshit I‘ve heard fat girls (Excuse me, BBW‘s) say is that they’ll never date or fuck a skinny man for the fear of them breaking us in half. Trust me, Skinny dudes can do some shit that a dude with fat or muscle CAN‘T do. I won‘t say what because that‘s another blog, but trust me, we‘ll leave you satisfied. I will be glad when we as a people get over this bullshit about having to be a certain belt size to be attractive. I say this to big people, too, you don’t HAVE to be my size to be good looking. You can look better than I do the size you are.

And I'm Spent.

Aug 26, 2009

Stank Ass

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I understand that we are human, although sometimes I wonder about that. We all things that we do as humans that are natural. We all eat, sleep, laugh, cry and hurt. We also all fart. Yes, it's true. I mean, you gotta let it out, right? But what bothers me about the farting thing is that there are some people who believe that their farts don't stink. I had this argument (Yes, ARGUMENT, not debate) with a friend of mine not to long ago. The Niggrum farted and then when somebody said it stank, he said "My Farts don't stink". *Blank Stare*. MUTHAFUCKA, IS YOU SNIFFIN' GLUE?! If it came outta where I think it did, THAT SHIT STANKS!!! And his ass just got finished eating some spicy KFC chinken, too? You KNOW he lit that shit up. Thank GOD we was outside. The Nerve of some folks, I swear to you. And that fool actually got MAD that we suggested that the remnant's of his butt trumpet wasn't pleasing to the noses of those around him.

As I said before, We're all human and we all do things as humans and farting is one of them..but if you actually think for a minute that a fart don't stink, something is seriously sick with you. Then again, some folks get off on that shit (No pun intended). If folks like to watch 2 girls shit in a cup and eat it, like watching folks piss and brush their teeth, they'll love a fart. I don't know how they do it. Shit, my OWN damn farts ain't pleasin' to ME and it comes out MY ass. MANY a times I done woke myself outta a deep sleep. I guess people think they're special. *Shrugging shoulders*. Whatever.

Aug 24, 2009

Do I get Horny of LAUGH?


I never was a big porno fan. I’ve preferred the real thing over watching people on a tape having sex. Although, I’ll say they helped me a lot. I’ve watched many in my day..but I’ve never owned it. You know, there’s always one person who’s older than you who has a whole collection of em’. If ever I got the urge to watch one, which wasn’t often, I’d just hit him up and ask to borrow one of his tapes….then, when DVD’s became popular, I’d ask to get his DVD’s. Being as though he’d seen me as a lil brother, he was always willing to let me borrow them because I knew how to took care of shit. That was when I was like 12 or 13, though. Fast forward to age 18. Those same porno’s that once gave me an erection made me laugh, I lie to you not. Don’t ask me how or when this started. One day, I was over his house with a few other dudes watchin’ one of those tapes and while those fools is getting’ all excited, I’m crackin’ the fuck up. I mean, I was laughin’ like I was watchin rush hour or some shit. They just looked at me like “What the fuck is your problem?!”. I already had a big ass grin on my face trying to silence myself, but I just couldn’t do it any longer.

I think the main reason why I laughed was because of the cheesy dialogue. If you ever really paid attention to the shit they say in porno’s, that shit is so fuckin’ cheesy that it’s funny. I mean, while you getting some ass, do you actually talk as long as they do?! Not me. Just drop your drawls and get to it!! Fuck talkin’!! Another thing, the moans. OH GOD!! The moans they moan are just as exaggerated and stage as all HELL!!!! Maybe it’s just me..but I like a movies with good acting, porno’s included. Maybe if they got some better actors for some of them, I’d appreciate them more. I think I can appreciate a sex scene from a movie with a Hollywood actor than a porn star. Not saying that some porn stars don’t give Oscar winning performances because some of them DAMN sure do, but most of them can’t act for shit. It’s kinda like when you go see a movie and the actor is trying so hard to be serious, but they are failing SO miserably that it’s funny. That’s what I see in porno’s.

I’m done.


PORN ITS CHEAPER THAN DATING Pictures, Images and Photos

Aug 19, 2009

I said FORGIVE...not be STUPID!



I often see people get uncomfortable when folks talk about forgiveness...and I've seen it happen with the very FEW times that I've blogged about it or made reference to it in some comment sections while on the Internet. I think I figured out why that is. Folks often link forgiveness with being Weak or Stupid.

For example: If somebody did SOMETHING (anything you can think of) that hurt you...DEEPLY, and they apologize to you and ask of your forgiveness, folks think that to forgive means that you just act like nothings happened and you're old friends, lovers or WHATEVER once again, thus giving the other person another chance to to the same thing again.

It's actually quite the contrary. By forgiving someone, you are actually not giving them the power to make you a bitter, angry individual and you no longer hold a grudge against them. Holding grudges kinda makes you a mean ass person and it makes you hard to trust anybody because of what ONE (or possibly a few other) person(s) did to you. So, you'll walk around life thinking everybody is out to get you and it makes folks not wanna be around you and you're gonna die lonely, bitter and unhappy. Nobody wants to die lonely, I don't think. So, by forgiving someone, you're nixing that in the bud.

With that being said, that does NOT mean that you have to socialize with that person or acknowledge the existence again. Sure, you've forgiven them but that don't mean you gotta be a damn FOOL. You're supposed to get smarter with each situation that you go through because, believe it or not, shit happens for a reason....and sometimes shit just HAPPENS. But still, it HAPPENED. Forgive, forget, MOVE ON. It's gonna take a minute but you CAN. The thing is, some folks (Including some of you READING this) don't wanna move on because it's kinda comfortable feeling this feeling of resentment, right? If you wanna be honest, SOME of the things you mad at other folks about, YOU played a part in it. Get mad at me all you want to but SOMEBODY has to say it. Accept YOUR part in it, forgive THEM for theirs, even if you cut all ties with them, and it'll be over. Quite honestly, it's very reliving and refreshing because you no longer feel weighed down. That's why so many folks have nervous break downs.

It's kinda like that old saying "I can forgive but I can forget". You ain't SUPPOSED to forget it. You're just not supposed to keep dwelling on it and using it as an excuse to hate a certain species, sex or act like a Jackass 24/7. That's all.

With THAT being said, I hope you got it all RIGHT now.....and I'm SPENT.

Aug 13, 2009

Random Thoughts: You are NOT the Father.


Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the shit that truly makes life worth living. Now, as much as I complain about such shows as Jerry Springer and Maury being nothing but the same shit, I STILL watch those shows religiously...well, whenever I can, because, dammit, I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE to laugh at the stupid ass people on there because they truly deserve it. What I think is the most stupidest thing they say on there when somebody laughs at them is that famous T.I quote YOU DON'T KNOW ME!! Hmmm.....Well, Did you NOT just tell us half your damn business on national T.V? I think we know a lil bit TOO much about you..more stuff than we ever NEEDED to know. But we just LOVE that kinda stuff because IT AIN'T US!! Let's be honest. You laugh @ that shit because you know that it ain't you, THANK GOD, because you'd probably say the same shit if you was to ever appear on T.V. Hopefully, some of y'all is smart enough to not EVER appear on no T.V show and tell all y'all business. Hell, it's bad enough that we do that shit when we blog!!!....but that's another blog in itself.

I really don't feel sorry for the ridicule that people face when they appear on talk shows at all. They knew good and damn well what the outcome could've been but yet, they don't care because they want their 5 minutes of fame. For real, tho, some of those people on those shows just downright LIE and they KNOW it. Case in point, this person right here:

There's plenty more memorable clips of similar shows...but that's the one I decided to choose for demonstration. Saves me a hell of a lot of searching to do. Now, That shit right there is just....Hell, I can't even think of a word for it. Now, I don't know the whole story behind that clip but, if I had to guess what was said it was probably "I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF THAT BABY BY MYSELF", "HE DON'T HELP ME", "SHE A HO", "SHE SLEPT WITH SO MANY DAMN MEN!! ANYBODY COULD BE THE FATHER!!". Hell, y'all get the point. All the usual shit said on Maury. I feel as though these chicks just KNOW in they heart that a certain dude ain't the father of the baby but they feel that if they wish hard enough and if they pray hard enough, God will answers their prayers and not make them look like fools, ESPECIALLY on T.V, and they dude they WANT to be the Daddy (or the dude they brought to the show) is the father. Well, sometimes that shit works, and sometimes it don't. Sometimes God be like "NOPE!! NOT TODAY!! ". What gets me is how these chicken heads be so SURE that the dude is the Daddy and then when it ain't, they wanna throw tantrums and shit. YOU SHOULDA THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE THE DICK THREW UP IN THE PUSSY HOLE!! Now, that kids gonna be embarrassed when they grow up because the whole world know they Mama is a Ho. It's a damn shame, really. One guy even asked Maury could he frame the results after he found out he wasn't the Daddy. LMAOO!!

Let's not forget the chicks like this:

That shit HAS to be embarrassing to be on that show more than 5 times (in THAT chicks case, 11 times) and don't know who the baby daddy is. Now, THEM chicks like that just give women a bad name in general. I just got some words of wisdom for you: If you MUST get a paternity test more than once for several men...Hell, even if you gotta get it ONCE, don't ever...EVER...EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVEEER!!!!!....do that shit on T.V. Ok? I'm finished.

Aug 12, 2009

GIVE US FREE!


So, with the recent change in the temperature, it seems as though many of us have been victim to the recent heat wave that's been going around. After all, it IS the Summer time, right? This summer HAS been kinda crazy between the rain and the heat. I think this is the most I've seen it rain in the summer time in my 22 years. Anyway, it seems as though Mother Nature is going through some hot flashes or something because it's CRAZY. Getting ready for church on Sunday, my Stepfather said "DAMN!! It's too hot to even wear CLOTHES" to which I responded "I'm sure folks wouldn't if they could".

So, I started thinking, what if we COULD really walk around naked all the time? I mean, I'm sure some of us do it in our houses but what if we could do it outside? I'm sure it would have it's advantages..MAINLY less money spent on clothes. This Disadvantages would the winter cold..and the fact that SOME people should not be walking around naked in public for the fact they might STONE somebody with their nakedness..not in a good way.

So, what do y'all think about the idea of being naked 24/ 7?

Aug 11, 2009

Random Thoughts: WHERE IT IZ?!

So, earlier today, I was walking to the store. I had my "around the way" clothes on and my hair wasn't brushed. I've been SERIOUSLY considering going bald because the shit is less expensive. I don't have the patience to learn how to cut my own hair and I don't wanna fuck no shit up. So, I'll just leave it to the professionals...but shaving my own head? I can do that. Anyway, I was walking home from the store and went through the alley way to get to my house. Well, there are really 2 ways to get there but the alley way is just shorter and you're less likely to run into fucktards you don't wanna see back there, unless they're the potheads, which I'm cool with because most of us grew up together. So, I'm going home and there's this old ass man and his lady friend (who looked like DEATH because she's been suckin' on the glass dick) who was walking in my direction. I saw the way they were looking at me, so I put my hand on my razor in my pocket in case some shit popped off. So, They get close to me and the woman said "YO, I AIN'T FROM AROUND HERE AND I WAS WONDERING WHERE I COULD GET SOME WEED AT!". I just said that "Naw, I don't know nobody. Sorry". That's a damn lie because half the folks I know around here smoke weed and some even SELL the shit...but I ain't gonna tell THEM that. They were highly pissed about that because they were feignin' for some but they just said "It's cool, Good lookin' out".

Now, this isn't the first time this shit has happened to me. One time it happened to me when I was just coming home from church, Bible in hand and all. I was walking to the bus stop and again, somebody said those EXACT words. I told my Mom about that and she was like "Stupid asses, how they know you wasn't a cop? Why got to an unfamiliar part of the city without your own weed anyway?". Now, today, I told my stepfather what happened when he came home and he said "Hell, the way you was dressed, they probably thought you was a damn dope boy". My Hair and the wiskers on my face probably ain't help, either. Lawd, Today. These folks in Philly, man.

Aug 6, 2009

Let's Cut the Bullshit, Ok?


*Steps on Soap Box*

So, I was sitting here thinking about something.

I've had this revelation since I was a kid, but it seems as though parents are SCARED to talk to their Children about sex, so they just make up crazy shit as to why they shouldn't do it. Don't know what I'm talking about? Here's some examples:

1. If you have sex (before marriage..although, some will say if you do it ANYTIME), your dick or coochie (or both, if you have one) is gonna fall off.

2. Oral sex gives you cancer

3. Kissing will get you pregnant.

And last but not least: I was told by my Homie (named not to be revaled for Privacy reason) said that her mother told her brother that pussy had teeth in it and it would chew his dick off if he had sex.

Now, that bullshit up there and MANY other bullshit myths are SUPPOSED to SCARE children into not having sex but, in SOME cases, it makes them the biggest hoes on the PLANET because they wanna see if this shit was true. Hell, you know kids wanna learn shit the hard way. Then, there are the parents who thing "If I don't say shit about sex, s/he won't know about and s/he won't do it". Now, THAT one is bullshit to the highest level of bullshitity. Hell, I knew about sex at age 9 and I was schooled by my "Big Brothers"...and shortly after that, my Mama. They told me EVERYTHING (Mama's information was more accurate, though). So, you only imagine the age that kids now find out about this. Hell, you'll find a 5 year old who knows more about Doggy Style, Cunnilingus, analingus, and Fellatio than some 60 year olds. So, it's best to just CUT the bullshit and tell em' the gotdamn TRUTH.

I'm not suggesting you tell a 2 year old "You stick your ding-ding in the na-na and hump but remember to put on a mini-magnum". Do it in a way they'll understand but don't it TRUTHFULLY. With all these damn walking STD's out here, we ain't got time to be bullshittin'.

*Steps Off Soap Box*

Aug 5, 2009

Tickled Pink? NEVA DAT!

Saturday ,as Me and my Mother were washing clothes in the Laundromat (Our Washing Machine is broke again. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!), we were going through the usual process of the folding up and all that. Somebody in the Laundromat was impressed with the colors of clothing that I have. Don’t ask why but she just was. I have various colors of Shirts, pants, drawls (when I decided to wear them), socks and all that. I have to because I’m dark-skinned and I need to have some light to me so folks can see my black ass, especially when it’s dark out. So, The lady who was impressed with the colors said “Do you wear pink?” and I was about to answer her but my Mother beat me to it and said “Oh, NOOO!! He HATES pink”. The lady was somewhat shocked and said “You’d look nice in it”. I thanked her and went on to say that Pink is not a color that I’d wear…EVER. She then asked me why and I just said “It’s just not my color. Nothing against it but I don’t like to wear it”.

I’ve been that way since I was a kid. I’ve NEVER liked the color pink. I see guys wear it and I think it looks nice on them and I know I’d probably could pull it off. It’s has nothing to do with the “Pink is for girls” mindset that many guys have. I really can’t give you an answer as to WHY I don’t like to wear the color. I just DON’T. I remember when I was getting ready for my prom and I got my Prom date at the last minute (2 weeks before the prom, to be exact). I was gonna go by myself and so was the girl I was going with and I just made a joke saying “Well, we should just go together since we goin’ by ourselves” and she was like “Yeah, that’d be HOT”. The next day, I found out she WASN’T joking and she asked me what colors I wanted to wear. I said “Any Color but pink”. You think this heffa listened? Her Mama called My Mama and told her everything the both of us was planning to wear and low and behold, the heffa got a pink dress and wanted me to get some pink to match her. I was gonna wear White and she said “Maybe if he can get a pink tie to match or a pink shirt” and my Mother said “No, Baby. My Child don’t do pink”. She found on on the prom night that I shall NOT be moved..but we still looked nice nonetheless.

So, what about y’all? Is there any color that you wouldn’t be caught DEAD in?

Rambling: Muffin Tops and Nut Huggers.

I blogged about this before on my previous site but I just feel moved to blog about it again.

Now, I’m the kind of person who has a VERY open mind and I can pretty much make sense of anything. Even though I might not agree with it, I try to understand it. But the one thing I cannot fathom is this phenomenon of Nut Hugger Jeans. You know what I’m talking about. You see those dudes on T.V and on the street with jeans so tight that they look like they’re 2 steps away from catching a yeast infection in their balls and in their asshole. I don’t understand it and I don’t think I ever will. I get uncomfortable just LOOKING at that shit. I’m just like “HOW THE HELL CAN YOU WALK?”. Shit, how the hell can they BREATHE? I mean, it’s insane to the highest level of insanity. When did this shit become popular for dudes to wear jeans that they look like they got outta their lil sisters closet? Maybe this has ALWAYS been popular but I never noticed it? Anyway, it’s a mess and it’s an epidemic that’s going around like the Saggin’ jeans. Speaking of sagging jeans, why do some dudes wear the tight jeans but they sag? WHATS THE POINT? *Shrugging shoulders*. I don’t know. Oh, and to some of you who may NOT know what I'm talking about, here's a visual.




Another thing that pisses me off to high hell would be the pregnant women who wear their jeans so tight that it looks like it’s cutting off the brain circulation of the babies brain that’s in their stomach. I get a damn headache just looking at it and I pray that the child comes out with a well mind because that looks like it HURTS. I know plenty of women who do that and I’m like “YOU CAN’T DO THAT!!”. Not only is it dangerous to the unborn child (Correct me if I’m wrong if it’s NOT) but as we know, with pregnancy comes the extra poundage in most cases. So, why would you wanna round with the extra pounds hangin’ outside of your jeans lookin’ like a Muffin top? I don’t know. For those visual folks, here's what I mean.



Don’t mind me. Just rambling today. Anything y’all gotta say?

Aug 1, 2009

I SAW HER!!


So, I just came back in the house from running around and while I was out, I saw the Girl I lost my virginity to. I was in the Dollar store and I felt somebody tap me on my shoulder and I turn around and it was HER. I swear to you, I damn near FAINTED. This was a girl who lived around me and she used to come around the block a lot. She has a kid now and she moved down south some years ago. She was up here for a family reunion. She still looks the same and she's still ACTS the same. Has the same pretty smile and has that candid sense of humor that made me love her. I seriously think she coulda been Girlfriend number one but circumstances stopped that. There were many relations after her but she set the bar and while the ones after her came CLOSE, they never were better. All I could here after she left was this song in my head.


What can I say? She had that effect on me and that song was NOTHING farther from the truth. While she wasn't my first CRUSH, she WAS, in a way, the best Girlfriend I NEVER had.