Oct 28, 2009

Halloween and Mischief night: LAWD, THE MEMORIES!

With all the talk about Halloween and Mischief night around the hood and around the blogosphere, a thousand memories of my youth flashed through my mind about the care free years of being a kid around this time. I remember well the Halloween Parties (Most of which where thrown by my Grandmother) and I remember Trick or Treating until my soul was satisfied. There was a house around the way where instead of CANDY, this old Lady would give out MONEY...in Change form, of course, but shit, we ain't care. We ALWAYS made sure to get that house early before ANYBODY. The Lady living there would drop a bag of Change in your Candy bag. I don't know what ever happened to her. Around the time I was 9 or 10, I had outgrown that Trick or Treating stage. We still had the Parties, tho. But going out with Costumes? I was too "grown" for that. That was also a year after was starting to get DANGEROUS to go out because the Older kids was Jackin' us for our Candy. When I was 8, they TRIED it but I'm a fast runner. Thank God for long legs. Plus, I made sure I had costumes that I could run in and not break my face after I broke my face when I was 6 because this neighbor of mind scared the fuck outta me with a mask after I rang her doorbell. *Shuddering at the Memory*

Now, I never understood the purpose of Mischief night, even as a Child. The Act of thrown toilet paper and eggs on folks cars and house seems kinda retarded to me. I mean, as expensive as toilet paper and eggs are, I could be using them to EAT and wipe my ass. Hell, I live in a house with 3 people and we need all that we can GET. Other kids I knew did this mess, though..and they LOVED it. They always liked to get these 2 neighbors on the block that was ALWAYS startin' shit with folks. Hell, it's STILL the hot house every year. The Other one? NOT ANYMORE. But yeah, they would ALWAYS bomb this chicks house and car with eggs and toilet paper. One year, they went as far as to break the window wipers, all her windows, flatten her tires, smear SHIT all over her car and porch, drench the house AND car with PISS and finished it with the usual eggs and toilet paper. Mischief night is FAST approaching and I'm wondering if this house will the one to get got this year...AGAIN. The DAY of Mischief night when I was in middle school, we ALWAYS had to worry about the neighborhood high school coming to our school and egging us kids. Like I said, FAST FUNNER. Plus my Auntie lived down the street from the school, too? A quick run 2 blocks and I was there in 30 seconds.

LAWD, the Memories.

Oct 20, 2009

Some folks STILL ain't get the Memo.




OK. It has come to my attention that there are CERTAIN things that folks don't know about black folks. Those of you who've known me for a minute know that I detest stereotypes about black folks with a passion. But this right here just proves that SOME things about us are true. Those things are as follows:

1. Don't fuck with our MONEY

2. Don't fuck with our FAMILY.

3. Don't fuck with our FOOD.

Those are the top 3. You wanna see us get pissed? Fuck with ANY of those things and see what'll happen to you. You'll get cussed out and you might even get KILLED, especially when it comes to our food. Hell, we ain't always had much and food is a prized possession in the homes of black folks. Don't believe me? Take a Gander at THIS.





See what I'm talkin' bout?! I swear, I love the passion my people have...when it's focused on the RIGHT thing.

Oct 12, 2009

Get Mad @ THEM, Not THEM!

For once, this blog is gonna be work friendly for those of you viewing this from the computers of your employment offices.

Now, I'm sure by now some of you have heard various stories of folks being cheated on. Hell, some of us have DONE it or had it done to US, excluding myself. Well, there was that ONE time but it wasn't my fault...and it really wasn't. Some of you have heard me tell the story about some female that I had relations with who had a boyfriend that was somebody that I went to school with in middle school. The thing was, she LIED to me and told me she was single because I don't give females the time of day who have boyfriends or husbands, no matter how tempting it is. I really didn't converse with him all that much and when we saw each other, he WOULD tell me about some girl he was dating but there was never a picture shown or anything of the sort. Imagine my surprise when we BOTH found it this heffa had PLAYED us. Long story short, I ended my "association" with her, he broke it off with her, no hard feelings between me and him and that heffa was left out in the cold.

Shit like this happens every day, only it doesn't have MY ending. See, often times, so many people get mad at the OTHER woman or the other man for fuckin' with their spouse or significant other, when more times often than NOT, THEY are the ones being lied to just like the one being CHEATED on is. That always brings up the question in my mind "What you mad at THAT chick/dude for? THEY got played just like YOU did". Sadly, a lot of folks don't see it that way. I'm the type of person that thinks if you gotta go to somebody else, just end the relationship FIRST before you start fuckin' anything that walks. It saves you the guilty conscience, even if you HAVE a conscience, and it saves many of heart breaks, arrests and shed blood. Yeah, SHED BLOOD. Folks will FIGHT you over some dick or some pussy. Me, personally, I don't have time for it. There's always some pussy BETTER and I'm gonna FIND IT.

The only way I can see me even THINKING to fuck somebody up over sleepin' with your spouse or your significant other (the MAIN one) is if the other person KNEW about you and they did it just to be smart. Even THEN, I probably STILL wouldn't mad. Well, I'd be MAD but PROBABLY (and that's a BIG probably) not to the point of beatin' the other dudes ass. But if it was done in MY bed? See, THEN, I gotsta CUT'CHA! You don't DO shit like that to people. The only mans stains I want on MY sheets is MINE. Other than THAT, I say "God bless y'all but FUCK y'all" and my hands is washed. But this is coming from somebody who's single and never dated anybody. I have faith, though, that even if that WASN'T the case, I'd still have the same mindset. Life's to short for the bullshit.

Rambling done.

Oct 2, 2009

TAKE CARE OF THAT!


It has come to my attention that some people don't believe in lotion. I don't know if it's religious, allergy or just pure laziness but they don't like to use lotion or SOME kinda of oils to get rid of the ashyness that we as humans so often suffer with. I don't know WHAT the problem is or WHAT the phobia that some folks have of lotion or the other products that rid us of the ashyassitis stems from, but they REALLY need to get over it. An ashy ass or an ashy face is NOT cute and it's NOT attractive. Suppose you go to some ass persons house to get in a "session" and your body ass just jumps out at them all willy nilly? You gonna make em' throw the fuck up and they PROBABLY gonna laugh your ashy self outta their never to show your face again. Don't even get me started on the ashy feet. Folks, Baby Oils, lotions.....hell, even SHEA BUTTER serves a purpose. I suggest you ashy ass folks get it together and take care of that.

Another thing, Those of you who wear enough Vaseline, lotion or whatever else that folks are able to fry some CHICKEN on your smile, Y'all need to take care of that, too. Learn the PROPER amount to apply to yourself and work with that. Y'alls asses look like y'all is plastic and that you'll melt with enough heat applied to you.

And I'm TIIIDE!!!